The Buffy Files
by phoebenpiper
Summary: High school Buffy and friends are concerned when they hear two FBI agents are coming to town. But after meeting Agents Mulder and Scully, the gang is eager for them to stay. That is, until they start to receive portents of a new evil coming.


The Buffy Files  
written by "phoebenpiper", aka Cordelia Willis and Laura Norton  
  
----  
  
Buffy burst into the library. "You will never BELIEVE what my mother has done now!"  
  
"Don't tell me that she's planning to burn us at the stake again," said Willow, "because that was just not a fun experience for me."  
  
"No, Will, this is WORSE."  
  
"What's WORSE than being burnt at the stake?" Xander asked.  
  
"Omigod," Cordelia said, horrified, "she's disconnecting your phone!"  
  
Buffy just looked at her. "No, Cordelia, THAT would just be....actually that would be pretty awful. But THIS is a NIGHTMARE."  
  
"Please, Buffy, don't keep us in suspense," Giles encouraged. "Do tell us what your mother has done."  
  
"She wrote a letter to the FBI."  
  
The library fell silent. Living on the Hellmouth, everyone had gotten used to hearing certain phrases, such as "cataclysmic" and even "end of the world as we know it". But none of them had expected to hear "letter to the FBI".  
  
Cordelia looked around at the others before asking, "Is it just me?"  
  
"Yes, Buffy, what exactly is so catastrophic about this news?" her watcher asked.  
  
"They're COMING! Here! To good ole Sunnydale, USA. Two agents are due to arrive this afternoon."  
  
"The Feds?!" Xander asked excitedly. "Two G-Men are coming here? That's not catastrophic; that's COOL! You know, I always thought I'd make a great Fibby agent."  
  
"Because of the lacy lingerie?" Cordelia teased snottily.  
  
"Hey! Don't you go making fun of Jedgar. He was a great guy -- he aptured Dillinger...or was it Capone....a bunch of nasty evil guys anyway."  
  
"Xander, I do believe his name was J. Edgar," Giles corrected.  
  
"That's what I said -- Jedgar."  
  
"Hello?" Buffy interrupted. "Aren't we getting a little off the subject here? My mother is calling in the Federal government -- and let's not forget what happened when she merely called in the City Council!"  
  
"Omigod, she didn't tell them about ME, did she?!" Willow asked, nearly hysterical. "Because Amy's mouse thing was NOT my fault!"  
  
"No, Will, she didn't mention you."  
  
"What about Oz?!" Willow continued, not ready to calm down. "Did she tell them about Oz?!"  
  
"Settle, Will. Mom doesn't even KNOW about the werewolf thing."  
  
"She didn't, by chance, reveal your identity as the Slayer?" Giles asked, his calm voice not betraying his worry.  
  
"No," Buffy said frustratedly, "she didn't mention ANY of us."  
  
Cordelia squinted her eyes in confusion. "So if she didn't mention any of you freaks, what DID she mention?"  
  
Now it was Buffy's turn to crinkle. "I'm not sure exactly. She said she just mentioned our abnormally high teen death rate --"  
  
"Go, Sunnydale!" Xander cheered. Upon Giles's disappoving glare, he said, "What?! Can't a guy show a little town spirit?"  
  
"Please proceed, Buffy," Giles prompted.  
  
Buffy shrugged. "That's all I know, actually. She just wrote that a lot of deaths were occurring here, and it was something they should investigate. And now they are."  
  
"This is so cool," Xander said.  
  
Willow leapt up and headed for the door. "I gotta go tell Oz."  
  
"Wait a second, Will," Buffy said, stopping her. "Need I remind you that we all have secret identities to maintain?" Buffy stopped talking and shuddered. "Omigod, I'm turning into my watcher. Put me outta my misery, QUICK."  
  
"But you're correct, Buffy," Giles said, ignoring her other comments. "We must be very careful and watch what we say and do around these agents."  
  
"They're just FBI agents," Cordelia pointed out. "What would THEY know about vampires, witches, and werewolves?"  
  
*****  
  
"Sunnydale?"  
  
"That's where we're going," Mulder said, looking over at her from his cramped airline seat.  
  
"What did you do this time?" Scully asked, shifting uncomfortably in her seat.  
  
"Me?" Mulder said indignantly.  
  
"No, wait, let me guess," Scully said. "Was it the expense reports from Bodie? Or the vanishing act you did during the Billheimer case?"  
  
Mulder sighed. "Actually I think it was everything," he said.  
  
"So we have to go to Sunnydale and investigate some hypersensitive mother's paranoid delusions about unexplained deaths and disappearances," Scully said. "This is a joke, Mulder."  
  
"Do you see me laughing, Scully?" he said irritably.  
  
Scully ignored him, shuffling through her files for a few minutes as Mulder munched his complimentary peanuts and studied the safety manual. "Mulder, this is weird," Scully said finally, studying one of the pages.  
  
Mulder looked over at her and smiled happily, popping a honey-roasted peanut in his mouth.   
  
Scully looked up at him and rolled her eyes. "No, I mean mundane weird. I think," she added uncertainly.  
  
"What?" Mulder said, immediately serious.  
  
"These numbers can't be right," Scully said, handing him a spreadsheet full of numbers. "Look at this," she said, pointing to a row labeled "Sunnydale." "Look at the 14 to 18 column."  
  
Mulder studied the page, frowning. "14%? Well, Mrs. Summers did say in her letter that the teen death rate was unusually high."  
  
"That was last year," Scully said. "The year before that it was 19%, and the year before *that* it was 24%. At that rate there should *be* no teenagers in Sunnydale. But there still are. The California demographer's office reports that teenagers made up 12% of Sunnydale's population last year. Where are they coming from?"  
  
Mulder pondered the question. "A 70's version of the baby boom? It was a time of free love, Scully... Muskrat love."  
  
Scully rolled her eyes and turned back to the file.  
  
"Don't you ever get tired doing that all the time?" Mulder asked.  
  
Scully looked up, confused. "Doing what?"  
  
"Rolling your eyes at me. You know, I would think your eyes would be getting fairly buff right now after all the exercise they've been getting these last few years."  
  
Scully resisted the urge to roll her eyes again and merely sighed. "So what's your plan for dealing with Mrs. Summers."  
  
Mulder shrugged. "Actually, I thought I'd let you handle Mrs. Summers. You know, the female bonding thing, Estrogen-Fest '99."  
  
Scully narrowed her eyes menacingly.  
  
"On the other hand," Mulder said, "we could talk to her, make her feel like she was listened to, do a little rooting around, and then get the hell out of Dodge."  
  
"What did Blevins say?"  
  
Mulder tensed. "Not much. Other than to bite my head off. I get the distinct impression he doesn't like me very much."  
  
"You do have that effect on people, Mulder. So how long do we have to stay in exile to get back in his-well, I guess his good graces would be too much to hope for."  
  
"That depends, Scully. If we start to run up the expense account, then we'll probably be ordered back sooner. I say we go for the honeymoon suite, find a nice restaurant, order some champagne-"  
  
"And get sent to Alaska next time? No, thank you. This time we're going to behave ourselves, do our job, file a sterling report-by the book," she emphasized, "and maybe we can get some decent assignments for a change."  
  
Mulder looked indignant. "I do everything by the book!" he protested.  
  
Scully started to roll her eyes again, but caught herself. Damn, she thought. He's right--I *do* do that all the time. Mulder smiled at her again. With good reason, Scully thought, glaring back at him, daring him to say anything.  
  
"Excuse me," Mulder said to the flight attendant. "Do you have any champagne?"  
  
Scully sighed and closed her eyes. This was going to be a long case.  
  
*********  
  
"I still don't see what the big deal is," Cordelia said as the Scooby Gang walked down the hall. "So the Feds come to town, look around, check out the night life at the Bronze. What are they going to find? A bunch of undead who don't look undead until they try to make you undead. Besides, aren't these the same people who did that whole wacko fiasco?"  
  
"Uh, I think that was Waco," Xander said. "And that was the ATF."  
  
"Well, at first, anyway," Willow said. "The FBI started the fire, but the feds who started the whole thing in the first place were the ATF."  
  
Cordelia crinkled. "ATF? You mean Mr. T and Hannibal Lecter?"  
  
"A-T-*F*," Buffy said, "not A-Team. And that was Hannibal--oh, never mind. Look, I've got to go talk to my mom and see if I can find out more about the feds. Hey, maybe I can talk her into snowing them."  
  
"What could you have her say?" Willow asked.  
  
"Letter? What letter?" Xander said. "That one always worked...well, not always...okay, well, never worked."  
  
Buffy stared at Xander for a moment. "You're right. It'd never work. Besides, my mom couldn't lie her way out of a wet paper bag."  
  
"What about you, Cordy? You're a master of getting your own way. Any suggestions?" Xander said.  
  
Cordelia held her chin up proudly, taking Xander's remark as a compliment. "Yes, my suggestion REMAINS to just chill and act calm. They're never likely to suspect-- OMIGOD!" Cordelia stopped dead in the middle of the hallway, causing Willow to collide with her. "Who is that GORGEOUS man?"  
  
Everyone followed Cordelia's gaze down the hall to where a man and a woman, each dressed in conservative navy blue suits, were just exiting Principal Schneider's office.  
  
"Must be the Feds," Buffy said. "It's just like them to show up before we have our plan in place."  
  
"We HAVE a plan," Willow said, a sappy smile on her face as she stared at the tall handsome stranger.  
  
"Go introduce ourselves," Cordelia said, and she and Willow charged off down the hallway.  
  
"What are they DOING?!" Buffy asked. "We haven't worked up our cover story."  
  
Xander shook his head. "You girls and your hormones."  
  
"OUR hormones?!"  
  
Xander nodded. "Just LOOK at them." Cordelia was doing her best flirtatious giggle. And Willow, for once, was not staring down at her feet but into the eyes of the tall stranger.  
  
"I guess it's best we get over there and stop the lunacy, before they start spouting stories," Buffy said. She and Xander were starting towards the group when suddenly Giles appeared from out of nowhere.  
  
"Buffy. Good. We need to discuss our plans for when the federal agents arrive."  
  
"Too late," Buffy said, gesturing behind Giles. "They're already here."  
  
"So they are," Giles said, a sappy grin on HIS face as he looked at the attractive redhead. "I guess it's best we go introduce ourselves."  
  
Buffy turned in confusion to Xander as Giles hurried off towards the agents. "What was that about?"  
  
"I haven't seen Giles look at a woman that way since Ms. Calendar."  
  
Buffy crinkled. "What women ARE there for him to look at?"  
  
"Your mother?" Xander suggested.  
  
"Perish the thought!" Buffy said, whacking Xander on the shoulder.  
  
"Uh, no," the redhead was saying to Cordelia, "I think we can find our way around just fine, thank you."  
  
"Do you need any computer stuff?" Willow said earnestly. "'Cause I do stuff, computer stuff things, with the computer...stuff..." She trailed off as Gorgeous G-Man smiled at her.  
  
"We'll be sure to call you, Willow," he said. "Thanks for the offer." He looked up as Giles approached, followed by Buffy and Xander.  
  
"Ahem," Giles said.  
  
"Did he just say, 'Ahem?'" Buffy stage whispered to Xander.  
  
"Giles," Giles said. "Ahem, that is, my name is Giles, Rupert Giles. Librarian." He stuck out his hand to the redhead.  
  
She shot a look at GG-man (as Buffy now thought of him), then smiled at Giles as she shook his hand. "I'm Special Agent Dana Scully, and this is my partner, Special Agent Fox Mulder," she said, trying to let go of Giles' hand and nodding at GG-man.  
  
"Ahem, yes, special, special agent," Giles said, still shaking her hand.  
  
"Giles, where are your manners?" Buffy said from behind him. "Aren't you going to introduce us?"  
  
Giles jumped, and dropped Scully's hand like he'd been burned. "Ah, yes, my...my... ah...my...student! Yes, my student, Stuffy Bummers," he blurted, then turned to Buffy with a panicked look.  
  
But Buffy merely stared back at her watcher, amazed at his sudden ineptitude. So it was up to Xander to save the day.  
  
Stepping forward with his hand extended, he said cheerfully, "And I'm Hander Xarris. It's mice to neet you, Scana. Mox."  
  
The GG-man smiled, seemingly amused by Xander. But Buffy noticed that the G-woman merely shut her eyes, which she thought strange.  
  
"So, the FBI," Xander said. "F...B...I... That is so cool. So do you guys have like badges and stuff? And do you still carry Tommy-guns? If you're planning to shoot anything while you're in town, ya know, I'd love to--"  
  
Xander stopped mid-sentence as he was severely elbowed in the ribs from both sides: on the right from Willow and on the left from Giles.  
  
"Please excuse the boy," Giles sputtered, obviously embarrassed.   
  
"He doesn't get out much," Buffy explained.  
  
"But I do," Cordelia said flirtatiously to the GG-man. "Do you like to dance, Mr. Mulder, because there's this great--"  
  
This time it was the redhead who did the interrupting. "You know, Mulder, we really should go try to get our hotel room situation worked out."  
  
Buffy noticed the G-woman give him a Look, and Buffy got the distinct impression that there WASN'T any hotel room situation.  
  
"Huh?" the G-man said blankly, but upon seeing the Look said, "Oh, uh, yes, that hotel room situation."  
  
The G-woman turned and smiled at the group. "It was nice to meet all of you."  
  
"If you need--" Willow, Cordelia, and Giles all started in unison and then cut off, embarrassed.  
  
"To know where NOT to eat," Xander continued for them, "I'd have to say the school cafeteria. Otherwise everyplace else is fairly safe."  
  
"Uh, thanks," the redhead said, shaking her head and pulling her partner away from the group.  
  
*****  
  
"Well, YOU certainly made a big hit," Scully teased as they drove to the hotel.  
  
Mulder looked blankly at her. "What do you mean?"  
  
"C'mon, Mulder, DON'T tell me you didn't notice. Those high school girls. They were practically THROWING themselves on you."  
  
"Were they?" Mulder asked blankly.  
  
Scully sighed but resisted the urge to roll her eyes.  
  
"Of course, that librarian seemed pretty taken with you," Mulder pointed out, proving that he wasn't totally blind socially. "'Stuffy Bummers' -- I ask you?"  
  
Scully shrugged. "I don't know--he seemed kind of...sweet, in an inarticulate way."  
  
Mulder rolled his eyes.  
  
"Gotcha!" Scully cried.  
  
"Fine," Mulder said sourly, pulling into the hotel parking lot. "You've got one, I've got three point eight million. You're really closing the gap."  
  
They got out of the car, Scully still smiling smugly, and made their way to the lobby. Scully wandered over to the display of tourist leaflets as Mulder went to the desk.   
  
The first leaflet Scully noticed was advertising a nightclub, The Bronze. What an odd name, Scully thought. Wait, wasn't that the one the brunette mentioned? Scully frowned--what had she said her name was? Cordelia, and the redhead was Willow. She pulled out the leaflet. Nothing strange about it, if that could be said of any teen hangout, Scully thought wryly. "Sunnydale's hottest nightspot! Live bands every Friday and Saturday night," the leaflet read, then listed a number of local bands regularly featured.  
  
"Whatcha readin'?" Mulder said, wandering up to her.  
  
"Dingoes Ate My Baby," Scully said.  
  
Mulder's eyebrows did a slow crawl toward his hairline.  
  
Scully laughed. "It's a band. Or what passes for a band around here. So, do we have rooms?"  
  
Mulder winced. "Well, Scully, it looks like we have a hotel room situation..."  
  
*****  
  
"You did WHAT?!?!?!" Buffy asked her mother as they stood together in the kitchen unloading the dishwasher.  
  
"Buffy, PLEASE use your inside voice."  
  
Buffy took a deep breath, quietly seething. Then she softly asked, "What on EARTH possessed you to invite them to stay HERE?"  
  
"I am the one who asked them to come to Sunnydale, so it's really my fault that they're here."  
  
"Don't I know it," Buffy mumbled under her breath.  
  
"And since the hotel screwed up their reservations, I couldn't just let them sleep in their rental car."  
  
"Yes, you could've," Buffy said. "Is it even LEGAL for them to stay with us?"  
  
Joyce laughed off her daughter. "Buffy, you're making far too big a deal out of this. Now you best get upstairs and clean your room before they get here."  
  
"MY room?! What about the guest room?!"  
  
"There's TWO agents, Buffy."  
  
"But the couch in the living room is VERY comfortable," Buffy pointed out, hoping her mom would take the hint.  
  
Unfortunately she didn't. "Which is why I knew you wouldn't mind sleeping on it for the next few nights."  
  
Buffy was about to come up with another argument, a WINNING argument, when the doorbell rang.  
  
"That must be the agents," Joyce said, heading for the front door.  
  
Buffy followed, hoping that maybe if she left her room as it was, they'd want to leave sooner.  
  
Joyce opened the door, but it was Giles on the porch.  
  
"Oh, uh, hello, Mrs. Summers, um, well. I was wondering if Buffy might be about?"  
  
"Yes, of course," Joyce said stiffly, stepping aside to let him in.  
  
"Giles," Buffy said. "What's up?"  
  
"You, ahh, left your Modern Grammar text in the library," he said, handing her a rather large book.  
  
"I thought that's where it belonged," Buffy said, confused. "You know, it's a book, books live in libraries. Like you do!"  
  
"Ha, ha, very droll," Giles said, a little too heartily.   
  
"Well, uh, thanks for bringing it by," she said, uncertain of how to get her mother out of the room, but when Giles glanced uneasily at Joyce, who was looking at him strangely, she stiffened.  
  
"I need to go check on the refrigerator," she said vaguely, and bolted for the kitchen.  
  
Buffy looked after her oddly, but Giles looked relieved.  
  
"Buffy, I need to talk to you," he said.  
  
"Oh, and here I thought you were ultraconcerned about my grammar, or should I say my grammar lack of?"  
  
The doorbell rang again.  
  
"Oh, no," Buffy said. "It's the agents!"  
  
Giles looked confused. "They must be in a hurry to get to work," he said. "I thought they were going to check in at the hotel."  
  
"*This* is the hotel," Buffy said. "Biffed reservations, my mother being motherly, it's all a big mess."  
  
Joyce came in. "Is that them? Buffy, aren't you going to answer the door?"  
  
Buffy shrugged. "I thought we'd let Giles--he could be a butler, you know."  
  
Joyce and Giles both glared at her, and Joyce turned to open the door.  
  
"--are you sure this is a--" Scully was saying, then stopped abruptly as Joyce opened the screen door.  
  
"Yep," Mulder said, smiling at Joyce, "this is the right house!"  
  
"Come in," she said warmly. "Buffy, help Ms. Scully with her bag."  
  
"That isn't necessary," Scully said quickly. "I'm fine."  
  
Mulder and Scully entered the house, and then both looked oddly at Giles standing awkwardly in the front room.  
  
"Oh, ah, hello...again," he said, flustered, but still managing a smile at Scully.  
  
Joyce glanced over at him and frowned.  
  
"Mr. Giles brought by one of my textbooks," Buffy said, hefting the tome and thinking that it'd be great for doing curls. "Modern Grammar. Left it in the library. I figured I'm a modern girl, I use modern grammar every day! Who needs a textbook for that?"  
  
"Yes, well, modern grammar isn't what it used to be," Giles said, then blinked like an owl.  
  
"Why don't I show you to your rooms so you can get settled in," Joyce said.  
  
"We can't thank you enough for helping us out, Mrs. Summers," Scully said, looking vaguely uncomfortable.  
  
"Oh, it's the least I could do after dragging you both out here," she said, leading them up the stairs. Buffy could hear her mother explaining as she led them into her room, "Sorry it's such a mess -- you know how teenage girls can be." Buffy momentarily panicked, wondering if she'd put all her slaying gear back in the trunk, but when she didn't hear any further comments she figured it was safe.  
  
"So, Buffy, do you think Ms. Scully, I mean the agents, are free for dinner?" Giles asked.  
  
Buffy rolled her eyes. "Mom's cooking dinner for them -- it's part of the whole Mom thing."  
  
"Oh," Giles said. He just stood there quietly for a moment, and Buffy could tell from his puppydog expression that he was begging for an invitation.  
  
"I'm sure there's room for one more if--"  
  
"No, actually, I'm free tonight. Dinner sounds divine."  
  
Buffy shook her head and was about to make a comment when the phone rang.  
  
"Hey, Will....No, I can't tonight, Mom invited the agents to stay over....Will, it's a school night....But I'm on the couch....Will, I'm not sure--....Okay. See you soon." Buffy hung up.  
  
"Will Willow be joining us for dinner?" Giles asked.  
  
"Always quick on the uptake," Buffy mumbled under her breath.  
  
"Buffy...." Joyce said, walking down the stairs. Upon seeing Giles, she said, "Oh, Mr. Giles, you're still here."  
  
"Yeah, I invited him to stay for supper," Buffy said. "And Willow's gonna spend the night with me on the couch."  
  
"It's a school night," Joyce said.  
  
"I know, but Willow kinda has a thing for--oh, hi, Mr. Mulder," Buffy said as the GG-man started down the stairs. "We were just talking about you."  
  
"Actually, we were just about to start dinner," Joyce said. "Buffy, why don't you go set the table and I'll join you in a moment."  
  
*****  
  
Scully sat down at the large dinner table feeling rather uncomfortable. It was bad enough that they had to stay at the house of some strangers, but being forced to eat with them was just too weird.  
  
"Is this seat, I mean, may I sit next to you, Ms. Scully?" the librarian asked.  
  
Scully smiled warmly at him. "Of course, Mr. Giles."  
  
"Please, call me Rupert."  
  
Scully was going to answer back, but she was too busy watching the two teenage girls whispering in the corner as they looked at Mulder. This is going to be an interesting dinner, thought Scully.  
  
Suddenly the doorbell rang, and the two girls rushed off to answer it. Scully could hear their voices at the door.  
  
"What are YOU doing here?"  
  
"You wouldn't want me to miss the opportunity to talk to real Fibbys, would you? -- Ow, what was that for?"  
  
"Why'd you have to bring HER?"  
  
"She was my ride."  
  
Cordelia suddenly appeared at the dining room door, followed closely by Xander and the two girls. Buffy seemed to be glaring alternately at the other three. Willow was only glaring at Xander and Cordelia, while Cordelia glared right back. Xander wasn't glaring at anyone.  
  
"Hey, Mom, think you can feed a couple of strays?" Buffy said unenthusiastically.  
  
Joyce sighed, and then said, "Yes, I suppose so. A little spaghetti can go a long way." She stood up and went into the kitchen, muttering to herself.  
  
"So where am I going to sit?" Cordelia said brightly.  
  
If she tries Mulder's lap, I'm gonna hurl, Scully thought to herself, then cringed. I've been here a day, and already I've spent too much time around these teenagers.  
  
Luckily for Scully, Buffy had already jumped up and grabbed two chairs from the kitchen table. It made for slightly cramped quarters at the table, but Scully was relieved to find Buffy put Xander between Mr. Giles and Scully. She was also amused to see how put out Cordelia was to be placed between Buffy and her mother. This was definitely going to be an interesting evening.  
  
When Mrs. Summers came back from the kitchen, Mulder glanced sideways at Scully. She nodded, hoping against hope that they actually found out something useful tonight.   
  
"Mrs. Summers--" Mulder started.  
  
"Please, call me Joyce," she said warmly.  
  
Mulder smiled, looking uncomfortable to Scully, but she knew him well enough to recognize it. She doubted anyone else could tell. "Okay, Joyce, I was wondering if you could explain a little more about why you asked for help from the FBI."  
  
"Mr. Mulder," Joyce said, and then paused, and Scully caught a panicked look on Mulder's face.  
  
"Please, call me Mulder," he said, thinking the last thing he needed was three teenage girls calling him Fox.  
  
Joyce looked a bit confused, but shrugged it off. "Mulder, I have some concerns about the level of violence in Sunnydale," she said, starting to pass around a huge bowl of pasta. "I think I told you that our teen death rate is one of the highest in the country. Now, a good number of those deaths have been ruled as accidents, but even ruling out those, the homicide rate is far too high. Buffy, could you go get the garlic bread out of the oven?" She turned back to the agents. "I have talked with the police, and they simply do not seem willing to do anything about it."  
  
"Mom," Buffy started, then stopped, looking troubled. She glanced over at Mr. Giles, and Scully followed the glance, only to find herself staring into Mr. Giles's eyes. He colored, then looked quickly down at his plate.  
  
Joyce looked over at her daughter. "Buffy, the bread?"  
  
"Yes, right, bread," Buffy said, and Scully wondered why she was so reluctant to leave the table. She was the only one of the three girls who didn't seem obsessed with Mulder. Buffy finally stood and dashed into the kitchen, returning almost immediately with a foil-wrapped bundle she was bouncing from one hand to the other. "Ow, ow, ow," she said before dumping the whole thing on her plate.  
  
Joyce sighed. "Buffy, a plate? For the bread?"  
  
Buffy looked dismayed, but ran back into the kitchen and ran back with a small plate. She grabbed the bundle, tossed it onto the plate, and began to unwrap it.  
  
"Maybe we should do some research," Willow said eagerly. "We could look at the death rates here, and other places, and maybe, you know, a pattern or...or a *not* pattern could show up. Or not show up. I'm good with statistics. I love standard deviations!"  
  
"Willow! I am shocked!" Xander said.  
  
"Thank you, Willow. That's more Scully's forte, though," Mulder said, feeling Scully's Look burn into the side of his head.  
  
"Then maybe while they do all that statistical garbage, we could do some leg work," Cordelia said. Scully cheered inwardly. Serves him right, she thought.  
  
"Do any of you have a theory why the death rate is so high?" Mulder asked.  
  
"Suicide!" Buffy said desperately.  
  
Everyone turned to look at her, except for Cordelia and Willow, still staring at Mulder, and Giles, still staring at Scully, though a bit more covertly now.  
  
"I mean, it's Sunnydale!" Buffy said, a bit more conversationally. "I've only lived here for a couple of years, and I'm depressed already."  
  
"*I* think it's a crime that the FBI didn't send you sooner," Cordelia said. "I mean, I have been waiting for *years* for someone like you--"  
  
"Xander!" Buffy snapped, and he jumped.  
  
"What?" he said, bewildered.  
  
"You aren't passing the sauce! Get sauced! Pass!" Buffy said.  
  
Xander quickly poured sauce on his spaghetti and then passed it to Scully. "So, can I see your badge?" he asked.  
  
"What?" Scully asked, being caught off-guard.  
  
"You guys get badges, right? And guns? Don't you carry guns?"  
  
"Do you LIKE guns?" Scully asked the boy as she passed the sauce on to Mulder. If they could label this a gangs problem, maybe Blevins would buy it.  
  
"Oh, BUFFY's the weapons girl. I'm just the--"  
  
"Doughnut boy!" Willow interrupted frantically, and Scully wondered what the girl was stopping him from saying. "It's a....school play thing that we do. Kinda like Dungeons and Dragons only without the Dragons....or the Dungeons....or anything."  
  
"Oh Doughnut Boy," Cordelia called snidely, "you're now holding up the bread."  
  
"Do you enjoy role-playing?" Scully asked Xander as he passed her the bread. She had heard of cases of Dungeons and Dragons that had gotten out of hand, and wondered if THAT was Sunnydale's secret.  
  
"Not rolls," Xander said, "doughnuts."  
  
Mr. Giles sighed. "Xander, don't be tiresome. I'm sure Ms. Scully did not plan on spending her dinner listening to your....droll comments."  
  
Very perceptive, thought Scully. Turning to him, she said, "I understand that you used to work at the British Museum, Mr....Rupert. What brought you all the way to Sunnydale, California?"  
  
"I...uh...well..." Mr. Giles stuttered.  
  
"The cheese!" Buffy blurted out.  
  
Everyone turned to stare at her.  
  
"Sunnydale makes great cheese -- everyone knows that."  
  
"Yes, it....it was the cheese," Giles agreed.  
  
"Speaking of cheese," Xander said, "do you have any Parmesan, Mrs. Summers?" He held up the can of Romano cheese she had placed on the table. "Romano creeps me out."  
  
Everyone stared at him.  
  
*****  
  
"Pssst! Scully! You decent?"  
  
Scully opened the door, a long-suffering expression on her face. "Come in, Mulder," she said.  
  
He wandered in and sat down on Buffy's bed. "Nice digs," he said. "Mine isn't nearly this...pink."  
  
"Be nice, Mulder. This is an improvement over the Taurus, our expense report is going to be minimal for a change, and Buffy's sleeping on the couch tonight." Scully walked over to Buffy's desk, pulled out the chair, and sat down in front of her laptop.  
  
"I know. I'm surprised you didn't join in the slumber party--it could be fun!"  
  
Scully blinked hard. "That had to be one of the strangest dinners I've ever had," Scully said, turning to face Mulder.  
  
"Oh, I don't know, Scully, I thought the sauce was pretty darn tasty. But the Romano cheese," Mulder said, shuddering.  
  
Scully smiled. "You know what I mean. Everyone at that table was hiding something," she said.  
  
"Except Cordelia," Mulder leered.  
  
Scully blinked hard again.  
  
"Is something wrong with your eyes?" Mulder asked, concerned.  
  
Scully blushed slightly and turned back to her laptop. "No, Mulder, I'm fine."  
  
"Then why do you keep blinking like that?"  
  
Scully sighed. "To keep from rolling my eyes," she said, embarrassed.  
  
Mulder grinned.  
  
"Okay, Mulder, what's the plan of attack for tomorrow?" Scully said, desperately trying to change the subject.  
  
Mulder considered this for a moment. "I think we need to look at the school records for our new friends. I agree with you--they're hiding something. That might explain why Joyce called us in, too."  
  
Scully looked at him, considering. "You think she's trying to get us to arrest Buffy?" she said quietly.  
  
"It wouldn't be the first time something like that happened," he said. "And her reasons for bringing us here were a little odd. She might just be the crusader type, but I think there's something more to it than that."  
  
Scully nodded. "I guess I ought to check the autopsy reports on some of the deaths. There might be something there we could--"  
  
She stopped as there was a noise outside the window. Mulder jumped from the bed and turned as a face appeared in the window. Scully grabbed for her gun on the nightstand.  
  
"Oh! Uh, um, sorry," the man in the window said, looking very surprised. He pulled his head out of the window and looked around at the house. "I was, uh, looking for Buffy?" he said.  
  
"She's not here," Mulder said carefully. "And you are...?"  
  
"Angel, a friend. And you?" he added warily.  
  
Scully reached for her badge in her jacket on the chair, still holding the gun, but no longer pointing it directly at Angel. "Special Agents Mulder and Scully, FBI," she said, gesturing toward Mulder, then showing Angel the badge.  
  
He looked at it, then back at them. "What's going on?"  
  
Mulder sighed. "We're staying with Mrs. Summers for a few days while we investigate something here in Sunnydale."  
  
Angel blinked. "What's to investigate in Sunnydale?" he said carefully.  
  
"Well, for one thing, why a young man is entering a teenaged girl's bedroom at eleven p.m.," Scully said pointedly. "Perhaps we should call Mrs. Summers and-"  
  
"No!" Angel said quickly. "I mean....it's not what you think."  
  
"And what SHOULD we think, Mr. ....Angel was it?"  
  
Before he could answer, there was a knock on the door as Buffy came in, saying, "Sorry, Ms. Scully, I forgot my -- Angel!!! What are YOU doing here?!"  
  
"That's exactly what WE'D like to know," Mulder said.  
  
"Buffy, don't forget your -- Angel!" Willow had followed Buffy into the room but stopped short when she saw Angel. She then blushed bright red as she saw that Mulder was also in the room, and she self-consciously pulled her robe closer around her. She then whispered to Buffy, loud enough for all to hear, "Buffy, why is Angel here? And what is Agent Mulder doing in your bedroom?!"  
  
"Ms. Scully, I thought you might need some more...." Joyce stopped in the doorway of the bedroom, a pile of blankets in her arms. "What is going on in here?!" she asked as she surveyed the room. However, Scully noticed that when   
her eyes fell on Angel, Joyce gasped and took a step back.  
  
"Oh, Mom...oh, oh, Mom, it's not--" Buffy started to say, her eyes wide.  
  
"He can't get in here, can he?" Joyce said, obviously distressed.  
  
"It's...it's okay, Mom. Um, Angel, now is really not good. A good time would be...not now," Buffy said, looking wildly over at Mulder and Scully.  
  
"I can see that," Angel said. He started to leave, but hesitated. "Mrs. Summers," he said. "I wouldn't--"  
  
"Get away from here, right now," Joyce said venomously.  
  
"Buffy, you didn't tell your mom?" Willow stage whispered.  
  
Tell her what? Scully thought, watching Angel give Buffy a tortured look, then disappear off the roof.  
  
"Tell me what?" Joyce said, turning to Buffy. "I thought--"  
  
"Mom, Mom, now...now is n--n--not...omigod, I'm Mel Tillis," Buffy said.   
  
"Is there something we can do?" Mulder said. "Has he threatened you?"  
  
"NO!" Buffy said immediately, even as her mother said, "Yes!" and Willow said, "Who? Mel Tillis?"  
  
"Which is it?" Scully said.  
  
Buffy looked desperately at her mom. "Mom, that wasn't--" She stopped and took a deep breath. "Mom, can I talk with you downstairs? I'm sure Agents Mulder and Scully don't need *my life* interfering with their sleep."  
  
Scully gave Mulder a look.  
  
Joyce's eyes widened. "Okay," she said warily. "Downstairs. Now." She dumped the blankets on the bed and walked out the door.  
  
Buffy turned to Mulder. "Believe me, if I needed any help, I wouldn't hesitate to ask. But this isn't what it looks like. Oh, boy, it isn't..." she added, half to herself. "Anyway, um, have a nice night...?" she said uncertainly, and followed her mom.  
  
Willow looked after her, then back at Mulder, who looked inquiringly at her.  
  
"Oh, I can't," she said. "I really wish I could, but I can't. I mean, it's...it's so complicated. You have no idea how complicated it is. It's complicated like quantum physics!"  
  
"Scully's really good at quantum physics," Mulder said encouragingly. "Try us."  
  
Willow hesitated. "I *can't*!" she said. "It's okay, really. Angel's okay--he's not a bad person at all. There was a...a...misunderstanding, that's all. That's all I can tell you. But really, it's okay." She looked at the door. "I have to go now."  
  
"Maybe you should stay up here for a bit," Scully said. "You don't want to interrupt Buffy and her mother, do you?"  
  
Willow stopped. "Ooh, I guess that would be awkward -- I hate mother/daughter talks, even when they're with someone else's mother."  
  
"Feel free to wait in here until they're finished," Scully offered.  
  
Willow nodded but then glanced uncomfortably at Mulder and again tugged her robe closed. Scully shot Mulder a look, and amazingly he understood.  
  
"I'll, uh, I'll be in the guest room," Mulder said, shooting Scully a look. She nodded back, promising him she'd give him a full accounting as soon as she could. "Uh, goodnight, Scully, Willow."  
  
As he shut the door after himself, Willow sighed with relief and unclenched her robe. Scully smiled at the girl and then sat down on the bed.  
  
"How long do you think they'll be?" Scully asked.  
  
"Buffy and her mom? Ages! I mean, if Buffy never explained about--" Willow caught herself and then struggled to regain control of her sentence, "--the....Angel....thing -- it's all very complicated and likely to take awhile."  
  
Scully nodded, trying to hide her disappointment in the girl's lack of soul-bearing. She thought she'd try another tactic. "Willow is an interesting name. Where did your parents come up with it?"  
  
"Oh, my parents are big naturalists. And it could've been worse -- at least they didn't name me Bambi or something. I used to hate it -- I was always teased and stuff. But now I think it's pretty cool, especially with the nature-loving aspect of wic--" again Willow caught herself, "-which...my friends and I are a part, gee do you think they're done yet?"  
  
"I doubt it. Did I hear Cordelia mention at dinner that you have a boyfriend?"  
  
"Yeah, Oz. Oz is so cool! He's in a band! And he's the smartest person to ever have to repeat a grade at Sunnydale High School, which I had problems with at first, granted, but I've gotten used to it, just like I've gotten used to the whole were--where....do you think Mulder went?"  
  
"I'm guessing his room," Scully said, smiling knowingly at Willow. "Look, Willow, if there's something you're not telling me, it's okay. I'm not gonna try to push you or anything. I just want you to know that you can trust me. Mulder and I aren't here to get anybody in trouble."  
  
Willow frowned. "Then why are you here? I mean, generally speaking, law-enforcement types like to enforce the law, and if somebody breaks the law, then that would get them in trouble, right? Not that anyone I know breaks the law! Not at all! We're very law-abiding! Except for that whole Ted thing, but that was totally justifiable! And not even really law-breaking, when you think about it, since he wasn't really-oh! Stop me. I'm babbling. I get nervous, and I babble. It's a fault. I'm fault-ridden, which is appropriate, since we're in California." She stopped and looked at the door again.   
  
"Getting into the middle of a mother/daughter chat is starting to sound kind of good now, isn't it?" Scully said, smiling again.  
  
Willow looked over at her, wide-eyed, and then smiled back ruefully. "I don't mean to be...umm..." she trailed off, searching for a word.  
  
"Evasive?" Scully prompted helpfully.  
  
"Yes! Evasive! Thanks!" Willow stopped, stricken. "Oh, I did sound that way, didn't I? It's just, well, you know teenagers. Everything seems so important, and...and hormones! And it seems weird to be talking about...that stuff with an FBI agent!"  
  
Scully sighed. This was going nowhere. "Well, then let's change the subject. Talk about something less uncomfortable. Mr. Giles seems like he takes quite an interest in his students."  
  
"Oh, Mr. Giles is great!" Willow said. "He's kind of stuffy sometimes, but he's sort of a...mentor, especially with Buffy. She had some problems-in, in school, I mean--and he was kind of...tutoring her." Willow looked strangely pleased with herself, Scully thought. "And I've been helping him with the computer stuff, because he's sort of Mr. Technophobe. Buffy says he didn't really work for the British Museum, he was one of the exhibits," Willow added conspiratorially.  
  
Scully smiled-she could imagine Buffy saying that.  
  
"He likes you," Willow said.  
  
Scully raised an eyebrow.  
  
"No, really, I've never seen him so goofy. Well, except with Miss Calendar," Willow added, frowning.  
  
"Miss Calendar?" Scully said, hoping she wouldn't find herself in the middle of a lover's quarrel.  
  
"She....she was the computer science teacher. My FAVORITE teacher. And Giles liked her, too."  
  
Scully noticed the past tense and carefully asked, "What happened?"  
  
"She....uh, she was killed last year."  
  
"How?" Scully asked, her pathology background rearing its ugly head.  
  
Willow, however, didn't seemed surprised or disgusted at Scully's question. She did, though, once again seem evasive. "She....uh....something--ONE....someONE killed her when she was working late at the school. He--I mean WHOEVER did it, snapped her neck. And Giles was framed for it....he took it really hard."  
  
"I can imagine," Scully said, remembering all the pain she'd gone through when Melissa was killed.  
  
"And with Angel back now, it's been kinda hard for--." This time Willow just stopped and didn't even try to finish. "I bet they're done now! I better go!" And with that Willow was out the door and gone before Scully could stop her.  
  
*******  
  
"Omigod omigod omigod...."  
  
"What IS it, Will?" Buffy asked impatiently, but Willow just kept rocking back and forth on the couch mumbling to herself.  
  
"Earth to Willow....Hellmouth to Willow...."  
  
Finally Buffy tried another tactic. "Are you even ALLOWED to say 'omigod'?"  
  
This snapped her out of it. "Hey! He was OUR God first!"  
  
Now that she had her back, Buffy wanted to find out what happened quickly, before Willow went back to her rocking. "So Will, what happened up in the bedroom?"  
  
This, however, was the wrong thing to say because Willow immediately went back to her rocking. "Omigod omigod I've really done it this time."  
  
"Done what?" Buffy asked, starting to get nervous.  
  
"And I was being SO good, too. I wasn't letting anything slip. Okay, maybe a little slippage, but I had it under control, she wasn't gonna get anything outta me. But then of course she HAD to bring up Miss Calendar, and I-"  
  
Now it was Buffy's turn to look stricken as she interrupted, "What about Miss Calendar?"  
  
Willow looked up at Buffy. "I didn't really say anything, but now she's wondering what I didn't say, and she's going to ask questions, and you *know* how I am about lying!"  
  
Buffy sighed. "Okay, Miss Calendar came up, I assume in the context of Angel...?"  
  
"I was trying to change the subject *away* from Angel, so I was telling her that Giles likes her, and she didn't believe me, and I told her he was never this goofy about women, except-"  
  
"Except for Miss Calendar. And I assume she knows Miss Calendar is dead?" Buffy persisted.  
  
Willow looked even more miserable. "And that's when Angel came back into the picture."  
  
"Angel came back!?!?"  
  
"No, no, I meant metaphorically! Anyway, I'm worried she's going to start digging into the whole Angel issue, which doesn't need digging into. Even though he hasn't done anything wrong! Well, he Angel, anyway, since it was Angelus that did all the bad stuff, right?"  
  
Buffy looked at Willow. "Do you think that fine distinction is going to mean anything to a trained FBI agent?"  
  
Willow winced. "I'm sorry, Buffy! I really didn't mean to, it just happened. You know how I am when I get nervous! I babble, and when I babble, I don't stop talking-well, that's sort of the definition of babbling-but I should have stopped! I should have--!"  
  
"Willow," Buffy interrupted. "Will, it's okay. They would have been asking questions about Angel anyway, with that entrance he made and my Mom's wiggins and all. Who knows, maybe they'll think this is all some teen-angst thing and let it go."  
  
"How did it go with your mom?" Willow asked tentatively.  
  
Buffy sighed. "I knew there was a good reason to keep her in the dark. She's convinced that Angel's doing this whole domestic abuse cycle of violence hearts-and-flowers routine. I explained to her that this is kind of different, but I think it's the difference that is wigging her. It's easier for her to relate to domestic abuse, which in itself is pretty scary."  
  
"So is she mad at you?" Willow said.  
  
"Worse," Buffy said. "She's disappointed."  
  
"Oh, Buffy," Willow said with feeling.  
  
"It's okay, really. She's been disappointed before," Buffy said ruefully. "She'll get over it."  
  
  
"So what do we do now?" Willow said to change the subject.  
  
  
Buffy crinkled. "I don't know. But I know what to do when I don't know what to do," she said decisively.  
  
Now it was Willow's turn to crinkle.  
  
*******  
  
"So what do you think, Mulder?" Scully said, sitting on Mulder's bed.  
  
Mulder shrugged. "It could just be teen-angst. Willow's right-at that age, everything does seem so important. Maybe they're all making this sound more complicated than it really is."  
  
Scully shook her head, frowning. "I don't think so, Mulder. There were too many times when she almost said something and had to stop herself. And she made it sound like Angel may have been involved in Miss Calendar's death. But why would they be protecting him, if that were the case?"  
  
It was Mulder's turn to frown. "If Buffy and Angel have a thing going," he said slowly, "it wouldn't be the first time something like this happened. Guy kills somebody, girlfriend protects him."  
  
"But 'all of girlfriend's friends protect him' isn't usually part of the scenario." Scully sighed frustratedly. "I can't believe I couldn't get more out of her."  
  
"I can," Mulder said. "You two seem like kindred spirits."  
  
Scully raised a skeptical eyebrow. "You think that Willow, the babbling teenaged idiot who was mooning over you all through supper and doesn't even seem to BREATHE when she talks, and I are kindred spirits?"  
  
"Sure. Okay, so she talks a lot. And okay, so she's a teenager with hormones that are, at least, well-directed," Mulder grinned. "But I'll lay odds that YOU were a teenage girl once. A science nerd, perhaps? And, of course, the obvious thing you two have in common."  
  
"What?"  
  
"The red hair. You know, we should do a study -- does studying science CAUSE a girl's hair to turn red, or does the red hair cause...."  
  
Scully stood up, trying hard not to roll her eyes. "Good night, Mulder. We'll need to get an early start in the morning."  
  
"Doing what?" Mulder asked.  
  
"I've got one thing to check out tonight, and if I'm right, we'll have someplace to start tomorrow."  
  
Mulder looked at her appraisingly. "This wouldn't have something to do with an autopsy report, would it?"  
  
Scully smiled, and went out the door.  
  
******  
  
"Shouldn't you be in bed?" Giles asked, obviously having just been there himself before he answered the phone.  
  
"Agent Scully's in my bed," Buffy reminded him.  
  
"And Angel came in," Willow added, talking on the extension, "and Buffy's mom flipped, and then I was interrogated, and -- we're in deep trouble, Giles."  
  
"Slow down," Giles said, suppressing a yawn. "Buffy, can you please explain."  
  
"Why does Buffy always get to explain? I'm a good explainer."  
  
"No one's doubting your explaining abilities, Will. I just think Giles would like a brief and coherent explanation of what's going on."  
  
"I was brief. I was totally brief. I didn't even take a whole sentence."  
  
Giles sighed loudly into the phone, and Willow said, "Go ahead, Buffy. Explain away."  
  
"Okay, so Angel came to see me in my room, through the window, only it wasn't me, it was Agent Scully. Luckily, I was up there and managed to make it seem moderately uncreepy, at least until my mom came in and freaked about Angel being there."  
  
"Wait," Giles said. "Your mother was upset about Angel? For the normal mother reasons, or because you-"  
  
"Didn't tell her about Angel, yes, that reason, and yes, I've explained to her, but she doesn't seem to be buying his reformation. Anyway, Willow was talking to Agent Scully, and now Willow thinks that Agent Scully thinks that something is going on around here."  
  
"Something *is* going on around here," Giles said.  
  
"He grabs the point! He shoots! He scores!" Buffy announced.  
  
"Did I not say all of those things in my explanation?" Willow said plaintively.  
  
"So tell me, Buffy, what precisely am I supposed to do about this at..." he paused, "...twelve forty-five a.m.?"  
  
"I don't know!" Buffy said, exasperated. "You're Strategy Guy! You figure out what to do!"  
  
Giles sighed loudly again. "All right," he finally said. "I will think about it. Have the agents said what their plans are for the morning?"  
  
"I don't think so," Buffy said. "Willow, did Agent Scully say anything?"  
  
"No, I pretty much did all the talking," Willow said ruefully.  
  
"Well, do your best to find out, and I'll try to come up with something to...distract them," Giles said, sounding uncertain. "By the way, did Angel say why he'd come to see you?"  
  
"No, he didn't-oh!" Buffy said, her eyes widening. "He doesn't usually come unless there's something important he has to tell me. Maybe I should-"  
  
"No," Giles said. "If it's something really important, he'll find a way to tell you. And with your mother already upset, I don't think you should risk anything more. Go to bed, you two, and call me in the morning if you hear anything more."  
  
"Call you? Can't we just see you at school? You ARE gonna be at school, right?!" Willow asked frantically.  
  
"Yes, of course I'll be at school, Willow."  
  
"Oh good! Because, you know, I like hanging out at the library and stuff."  
  
"Yes, and stuff," Buffy said. "Goodnight, Giles."  
  
"Goodnight."  
  
After they hung up, Buffy and Willow returned to their sleeping bags. Buffy turned off the light, but a moment later Willow's voice came sounding through the darkness.  
  
"I can't sleep. I'm too worried."  
  
"There's no need to worry, Will. I'm sure Agent Scully doesn't suspect the TRUTH, and anything else will be wrong and a dead end for their investigation."  
  
"No, I'm not worried about that. I'm worried about what you said about Angel, only coming here when there's trouble. What do you think he wanted?"  
  
"I don't know, Will. We'll just have to wait and see."  
  
"But--"  
  
"GoodNIGHT, Will."  
  
"Goodnight, Buffy."  
  
They lay there in silence in the dark for some time, and Buffy assumed that Willow had finally dozed off. Suddenly, though, Willow asked, "What do you think Agent Mulder wears to bed?"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Not that I think he'd wear anything kinky or anything like that." She suddenly gasped. "What if he doesn't wear ANYTHING?!"  
  
"Then you should be setting up watch in front of the bathroom upstairs."  
  
Willow stood up, grabbed her sleeping bag, and ran up the stairs.  
  
"I was KIDDING," Buffy said to herself.  
  
A moment later, though, Willow came running back downstairs. "Buffy? Are you still awake?" she whispered loudly.  
  
"Yes, Will. Did you catch a glimpse?"  
  
"No, but I HEARD a glimpse!"  
  
Buffy crinkled. "What is that supposed to mean?"  
  
"I heard keyboard typing coming from your bedroom -- Agent Scully's room!" Willow ran to the phone, picked it up, and then put it back down again. "I was right! She's plugged into the Internet on her laptop! I wonder how much RAM it has -- I need to get a new one and....?"  
  
"Will."  
  
"Don't you see? If we can get on MY computer, I could figure out what she's downloading, and then we can know how to thwart her investigation!"  
  
"Don't you think 'thwart' is kinda a big word to be using at one a.m.?" Buffy yawned.  
  
Willow, however, ignored her. "C'mon! We gotta go!"  
  
"Go where?"  
  
"Someplace else!"  
  
"That's specific."  
  
"No, I mean I have MY laptop with me, but I can't tap into YOUR phone line because Agent Scully's already on it."  
  
Buffy nodded, understanding. "Then we best get dressed -- you know how Giles is when we show up in pyjamas!"  
  
*****  
  
"And why exactly did you have to come HERE?" Giles asked, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.  
  
"Because we had to go someplace else."  
  
"To use the phone line," Buffy explained. "It's a whole computer-phoneline thing. I don't quite get it myself."  
  
"And why exactly does 'my place' always have to be 'someplace else'?" Giles asked grumpily.  
  
"Because Mrs. Harris no longer thinks it's 'cute' when I show up at one a.m.," Willow explained.  
  
"'Cute'. Yes. That's JUST the word I was looking for." Giles headed for the kitchen. "As long as we're all up, would anyone care for some tea?"  
  
"Sure," Willow said, typing away on the computer.  
  
"Only HERBAL for Willow," Buffy said quickly. "Caffeine....you know."   
  
"Yes. I know," Giles said, and walked into the kitchen, and Buffy wandered after him, knowing Willow wouldn't be much of a conversationalist for a while. "Sorry, Giles. Will's obsessed, and you were voted 'Most Likely to Understand.'"  
  
Giles raised an eyebrow at her, but she found it didn't have the same impact with his eyes half-closed. "You're too kind," he said.  
  
"Humor her," Buffy said. "I think this is her way of dealing with the stress of thinking about a really cute guy in the buff-" Buffy caught herself. "In, in the Buffy house. You know, hormones raging, it's a teenager thing."  
  
Giles smiled as he filled the tea kettle. "I sometimes forget that Willow *is* a teenager. She's normally so mature. Muddled at times, but mature."  
  
Buffy grinned. "Actually, though, she might have a point about this. If we have some idea what the FBI guys might be investigating, we can a) steer them away from any potentially incriminating...stuff, and b) we can keep them from getting into situations they can't handle."  
  
Giles nodded at her, putting the kettle onto the stove. "Yes, well, I can't argue with that," he said, adding "dash it!" under his breath. "Though the timing could be better. Nevertheless. Perhaps, then, we should be considering potential distractions."  
  
"Wild geese. Gotcha," Buffy said, nodding. "Okay, if I were an FBI agent, what would distract me?"  
  
"Autopsy reports!" Willow shouted from the living room.  
  
"Okaayyy, I was thinking more along the lines of Ho-ho's, but it might work," Buffy said.  
  
Willow ran into the kitchen. "She's accessing a bunch of autopsy reports from the FBI files. Some of the vamp-related deaths. I guess somebody thought it might be some kind of gang initiation thing and asked the FBI guys to help."  
  
Buffy nodded. "I guess that makes sense. I mean, if you're looking for a plausible explanation for vampire-killings that doesn't involve vampires."  
  
Giles nodded. "You know, that might just work. It isn't the sort of thing that two FBI agents acting alone could be expected to clear up."  
  
Buffy nodded. "Sounds like a plan. So how do we implement it?"  
  
"We don't," Giles said. "We let the agents investigate. I doubt if they'll find anything useful. The truth would be too bizarre for them to guess, I should think. If it appears as though they are verging on dangerous territory, one of us nudges them in a safer direction. Actually, Xander might be of use to us in this."  
  
"Xander?" Willow said skeptically. "I mean, Xander, yes, Xander, of course."  
  
"Not to diss Xander, or anything, but how could he help here?" Buffy said.  
  
"Gangs tend to be predominantly male, yes?" Giles said. "I suspect that Agents Mulder and Scully will want to interview him."  
  
"So he can tell them whatever we want him to, and send them just about anywhere!" Buffy said. "Giles, you're brilliant!"  
  
Giles smiled sheepishly. "I have my moments," he muttered.  
  
"So first thing tomorrow, we-" Buffy started, but was interrupted by banging on the front door.  
  
Giles looked from Buffy to Willow and asked, "You didn't, by chance, order a pizza, did you?"  
  
Willow shook her head. But before Buffy could answer, the knocking began again, this time with Angel's voice coming through the closed door.  
  
"Giles! You've gotta let me in. Buffy's in trouble."  
  
The threesome rushed to the door and Giles opened it.  
  
"Giles! You've gotta help me find...." Angel stopped when he saw Buffy and Willow standing together.  
  
"Found," Buffy said cheerfully. "So what's up now? Vampires? Bounty-hunters? Evil cheerleaders?"  
  
"This is serious, Buffy. There's been portents that a new evil is due to arrive in Sunnydale." Angel stopped and crinkled. "Wait. Who were those people in your bedroom?"  
  
"Don't worry, they're not demons," Buffy said.  
  
"They're FBI agents," Willow said cheerfully. "And the cute one sleeps in the buff."  
  
Both Angel and Giles turned and gave Willow an odd look, and she blushed and quickly changed the subject. "As you were saying -- new evil?"  
  
"Yes, a new evil is due to arrive in Sunnydale."  
  
There was a pause.  
  
"You already said that," Buffy said.  
  
"Go on," Giles prompted.  
  
Angel crinkled again. "It's funny, but now that I think about it, that's really all I know. No mention was made of what kind of evil, where it's coming from, when it will arrive, who's behind it."  
  
"Why you felt compelled to awaken me at this hour," Giles mumbled under his breath. When everyone turned to look at him, he said, "I just wanted to complete the five W's."  
  
"Don't forget 'how'," Willow said eagerly. "How....how do you know all this, Angel? Or DON'T know all this? Or know that you don't know?"  
  
Angel blinked at her, then looked at Giles. "One of my informants was doing a Tarot reading yesterday, and-"  
  
"Wait, wait, wait, hold the phone," Buffy interrupted. "You base your information on a Tarot reading?"  
  
"Tarot is a respected source for information on arcane matters," Willow said matter-of-factly. "Magic throws out...an aura...kinda like ripples in a pond when you throw a rock in, and a good reader senses those ripples. The big problem is that sometimes the reading can be kinda...vague."  
  
"Especially if the reader was focused on something else," Angel said. "But Lucinda's reliable. She gave me the early heads-up on a couple of things earlier this year. I trust her judgement, and she thinks something's coming. So I figured Giles could maybe give us some clue as to what it might be."  
  
"At one-no, strike that-two a.m.!?" Giles said.  
  
Buffy stifled a grin. "Giles, this is important. If there really is something coming, it's coming at a really bad time. Those agents could really get into trouble. You wouldn't want anything to happen to Agent Mulder or Agent Scully, would you?" she said, giving "Scully" a little extra emphasis.  
  
Giles stopped, opened his mouth, and then closed it, shaking his head. "No, no, of course not. You are absolutely correct. I'll see what I can do. Willow, could you help me?"  
  
"Absolutely!" Willow exclaimed. "Where do we start?"  
  
"Ah, well, we'll have to go over to the library. Perhaps there's something in the Pergamum Codex about vague senses of impending doom," Giles said acidly.  
  
"Great!" Willow said. "I love the illustrations in that, all the little wiggly bits and the bats in the margins. Ooh, Buffy, we're gonna pull an all-nighter!" Willow ran over, unplugged her laptop from Giles' phone line and bounced out the door.  
  
Giles glanced over at Buffy. "Are you certain she hasn't had any caffeine?"  
  
"Yep, she's caffeine-free," Buffy said. "Unadulterated Willow."  
  
"Yes, well," Giles said, "why don't you brief Angel on the situation with the FBI. He may actually be of some help to us there." He started up the stairs. "I'm going to go put on some clothes."  
  
Buffy smiled at Angel. "He gets cranky when he's up past his bedtime. So let me tell you about Mulder and Scully..."  
  
*********  
  
"Hey, Scully, I thought we were going to get an early start this morning," Mulder said through the door to Buffy's room.  
  
There was a muffled thump, a long pause, and then Scully opened the door. She blinked fuzzily at Mulder. "What time is it?" she said.  
  
"It's seven thirty," Mulder said. "Do you usually sleep in your clothes? If so, I'm never going to accept another comment from you about my weird sleeping habits."  
  
Scully sighed and ran one hand through her hair. "I was reading the autopsy reports I told you about-"  
  
"Correction, the autopsy reports you *didn't* tell me about," Mulder interrupted.  
  
"Anyway, I must have fallen asleep. Ohh, my neck is killing me," she muttered, rubbing her neck gingerly.  
  
"Tell you what," Mulder said. "You change clothes and come downstairs. You can tell me about the autopsy reports over breakfast."  
  
Scully looked at him for a moment. "Think about what you just said, Mulder."  
  
"What? I love discussing blunt force trauma over my scrambled eggs."  
  
"Actually, I wasn't thinking of you, I was thinking of Mrs. Summers," Scully said patiently.  
  
"Ah, good point," Mulder said. "So shoot."  
  
Scully sighed. "Well, it's not much to go on. There have been a number of unexplained deaths in Sunnydale. Apparently the FBI was aware of the situation before Mrs. Summers contacted us. A couple of the pathology reports were in the FBI database. The ones I looked at dealt with a couple of teenagers found with small puncture marks on their necks."  
  
Mulder raised an eyebrow. "Exsanguinated?"  
  
"I know what you're thinking, Mulder, and it's not vampires." Scully's tone said volumes about what she thought of that theory.   
  
"Contrary to what you might think, Scully, I'm as skeptical about vampirism as you are. Most cases of exsanguination turn out to be cult-related ritual murders. So the coroner ruled the deaths-"  
  
"Homicide," Scully said, looking surprised at Mulder's sudden case of sensibility. "The reports were sent to the FBI because the locals thought it might be gang-related. Like I said, it's not much to go on. But at least it's more than we had. And we've already met several of the potential witnesses."  
  
"Oh?" Mulder said.  
  
"One of the victims was last seen alive at the Bronze," Scully said.  
  
"The Bronze?" Mulder said, thinking. "Oh, the teen hangout you were reading about. So you think Buffy and her friends might have something for us? Then perhaps we should have a word with the youths. What say we begin with the redoubtable Mr. Harris?" Mulder said in his best stuffy British accent.  
  
Scully blinked hard.  
  
******  
  
"Did you spend the whole night here? AGAIN?" Cordelia asked as she and Xander entered the library. "Gee, Willow, you're the only brain I know who has to pull all-nighters."  
  
"I brought you all some breakfast," Xander said cheerfully, pulling a half-eaten package of Ho-ho's out of his bag. "I know, it's not much, because I wasn't really planning to share, but anything for my Slayerettes. And a Ho-ho split three ways is still a Ho-ho!"  
  
"Exactly," Giles said drily. "So Buffy may eat my third."  
  
"So what's the evil this time?" Cordelia asked. "Don't tell me that Agent Mulder is some kind of demon in disguise."  
  
"Hardly," Willow said, obviously upset that Cordelia was still interested in him.  
  
"Then what is this evil?" Xander asked.  
  
"We're not entirely sure," Giles said. "But Angel believes in recent portents which indicate that an evil is due to arrive shortly in Sunnydale."  
  
"Portents, schmortents," Xander said. "Evil is ALWAYS in Sunnydale--haven't you SEEN the biology lab that we have to do next week?"  
  
"Oh yeah, the frog dissection!" Willow said excitedly. "And don't let me forget -- I want to keep the eyes when we're done."  
  
"Ew!" said Cordelia.  
  
"I'll have to second that 'ew'," Buffy said, giving Willow a strange look.  
  
"What?" Willow said. "It's for a spell--spell--spelling test today, everybody -- did you all study?"  
  
This drew even weirder looks from the gang, until she continued: "Oh, good morning, Agent Mulder. Agent Scully. What brings you to our fair library?"  
  
"Oh, uh, yes, good morning," Giles said as he quickly tried to straighten up the books while everyone else looked at the two agents.  
  
"Where were you two this morning?" Mulder asked Buffy and Willow.  
  
"We, uh, well..." Buffy began.  
  
"We had to study....for our big spelling test," Willow said. "We're big studiers -- thus the library and the books."  
  
Scully turned and smiled at Giles. "Good morning, Rupert."  
  
"Can I--did you--may I help you find something?" Giles stuttered.  
  
"Actually, we just found it," Mulder said. "We were looking for Xander here."  
  
"Me?! Am I a suspect?! That is so cool!"  
  
"A suspect?" Scully asked, raising a suspicious eyebrow. "Suspect for WHAT?"  
  
"I don't know -- anything would be cool. I just can't wait to tell my grandkids about the time I was GRILLED by the FBI!"  
  
"Oh PLEASE, Xander," Cordelia said, rolling her eyes. "I'm sure they just want to get a geek's perspective on teen life here in Sunnydale." She turned to Mulder. "If you want a POPULAR person's perspective, I'm available at any time."  
  
Willow shot Cordelia an evil look and then said, "You know, I'M a bigger geek than Xander -- I even get straight A's and all that geeky stuff. Are you sure you don't want to interrogate ME?"  
  
"Actually, we're interested in talking to Xander about the swim team," Mulder said.  
  
Buffy shot Giles a look. He was still mooning over Agent Scully. "Oh, hey, Giles, didn't you say you'd gotten that book in that Xander wanted?"  
  
"What book?" Giles and Xander said in unison. When Buffy gave them a look, they said, "Oh, THAT book!"  
  
Buffy winced as she caught Mulder giving Scully a look.  
  
"Yes, Xander, I have it right back here!" Giles said heartily, and led Xander back into his office.  
  
"I'll be right back," Xander said, following Giles. "Don't start any interrogating without me!"  
  
Buffy smiled at the agents. "This could take awhile. Giles got this book for Xander on interlibrary loan, and he's so ultraparanoid about those, so he has all these forms to fill out, and an oath, and then there's the blood sample and urine test..."  
  
"Giles is the original Mr. Stuffy," Cordelia said.  
  
"I don't know," Scully said. "I think he's rather charming."  
  
Mulder gave Scully another look, this time faintly amused.  
  
"Well, you didn't see him with Mrs. Sum-" Cordelia started to say, a knowing smile on her face.  
  
"Cordelia!" Buffy said with a pained expression. "Does your foot have a long-term lease on your mouth, or is it just renting?"  
  
"What?!?" Cordelia said. "God, you're so uptight. It's not like it's a big secret or anything."  
  
"Did you stop to think that Giles might not want his personal life broadcast on national news?" Buffy said. "Oh, wait, I just used the word 'think' in a sentence about Cordelia. Silly me."  
  
"So, Agents, since this is your first trip to Sunnydale, we should give you the grand tour," Willow said, hoping to head off a cat fight. "We have some really interesting sights here. There's the Natural History Museum-"  
  
"Museum!?" Cordelia interrupted. "Oh, let me introduce you two to Junior Stuffy here," Cordelia said to the agents. "If you really want to see the sights, I'm   
your girl."  
  
"Actually," Mulder said, "we're going to be working most of the day. But thanks for the offer."  
  
"Okay!" Xander said, coming out of Giles office carrying a book. "I'm ready to be grilled!"  
  
Buffy looked at him appraisingly. "I don't know, Xander. I'm thinkin' you need a nice marinade, first."  
  
"Ha," Xander said.  
  
"The UFO phenomenon?" Agent Mulder said.  
  
"What?" Xander, Buffy, Willow and Cordelia all said at once.  
  
Mulder gestured at Xander's book. "The Time/Life Mysteries of the Unknown series," he said. "I thought the Mystic Places volume was great."  
  
"Oh, uh, yeah," Xander said. "I'm, uh, doing a paper. For my English class. Um, about those things, you know, when people get snatched, and they come back with all these funky stories about aliens drilling holes in their teeth and stuff."  
  
"Alien abductions?" Scully said, and glared at Mulder.  
  
What is it with those looks? Buffy thought to herself.  
  
"Yeah, abductions!" Xander said. "So, uh, should we get started?"  
  
"Sure," Mulder said, leading the way to the library door. "We thought we'd head down to the lounge, ask you a few routine questions."   
  
The agents and Xander went out the door, and Buffy turned to Giles. "The UFO Phenomenon?" she said.  
  
"It was the only thing I had in the back that didn't betray our secret identities," Giles explained.  
  
"Of course, now we all have identities as WEIRDOS," Buffy pointed out.  
  
"I think they already had THOSE identities figured out," Cordelia said.  
  
******  
  
As Xander left the two agents, following the "interrogation", Scully looked at her partner and shook her head. "Well, that was something less than enlightening."  
  
"But I think we're on the right track. If anybody's going to know about cults or gangs-or vampires--in this town, it'd be the teenagers. But I think I should interview the girls, and you should go talk to Mr. Stuffy in the library. The kids seem to like hanging out with him, and he might be able to tell us something--remember, when people are in love, they tend to let their guard down."  
  
"Just YOU remember, Mulder, that those girls are underage. And it's not vampires," Scully added pointedly.  
  
Mulder gave Scully a disgusted look as they started towards the library.  
  
******  
  
"So, Rupert, why do you have a CAGE in the library?"  
  
"Well, um, it's a, uh, a BOOK cage."  
  
Scully grinned as she raised her eyebrows skeptically. "Is it to keep the books in or out?"  
  
Giles laughed his nervous laugh. "Oh, ha ha, yes. Well, you see, it's really more of a...a closet. You know, office supplies, that sort of thing. And...and there were certain books which kept going missing, so I started keeping them in here."  
  
"Oh?" Scully said. "Which books?"  
  
Giles got a strange expression on his face, and for a moment Scully thought she was on to something.  
  
"Oh, ah, certain of the...ah...biology books...ah...and several of my National Geographics. Well, those were mostly vandalized. For the pictures, you see..." Giles said, trailing off meaningfully.  
  
"Oh," Scully said, suddenly realizing why he was so uncomfortable, and feeling equally uncomfortable herself. She felt an intense need to change the subject. "You seem to spend a lot of time with your students, Rupert," she said.  
  
Giles glanced over at the book cage for a moment, then looked at her intently. "I realize it must seem strange to you," he said. "But you see, in England, particularly in the public schools, the instructors develop very close relationships with their pupils. Sort of a surrogate fatherhood, you might say. So I suppose I've carried that attitude over here."  
  
Scully looked back at him, thinking to herself that his speech sounded well-rehearsed. "Do you usually have dinner with your students?" she asked.  
  
Giles blushed. "Well, ah, it seems that Buffy is under the impression that, well, ah, she seems to think that I-"  
  
"Need some serious work on social skills?" Cordelia said from the library door.  
  
"Cordelia," Giles said, with a long-suffering look, "do you mind? Agent Scully and I are trying to--"  
  
"Yeah, but I didn't see you succeeding, so I thought I'd interrupt. Where's Agent Mulder? I heard he was looking for me."  
  
"Sorry," Scully said, "Willow got to him first."  
  
"Oh, great," Cordelia huffed. "If he's trying to get something out of Articulate Girl, it could take days!" She stomped over to the big table and sat down.  
  
Giles looked helplessly back and forth from Scully to Cordelia, and Scully took pity on him.  
  
"Actually, I think Mulder was interviewing Willow in the cafeteria," Scully said. "You might try to find him there."  
  
Cordelia looked over at Scully, her eyes narrowed. "You wouldn't be saying that just to get rid of me, would you?"  
  
Scully simply raised an eyebrow.  
  
Cordelia sighed, standing up again. "Okay, okay, I can tell when I'm not wanted. But if he isn't really there, I'm coming back." She flipped her hair back over her shoulder and swept out of the library.  
  
Scully looked wryly over at Giles. "She's a force of nature, isn't she?"  
  
Giles nodded. "Rather like a plague of locusts. Still," he admitted, "underneath all of that...deep, deep underneath it...she has a good heart."  
  
Scully looked skeptical.  
  
******  
  
"That's SO COOL that we both have aquariums!" Willow said excitedly.  
  
Mulder sighed. He wasn't getting anywhere with his pointed line of questioning. So he decided to encourage Willow's rambling in the hopes that she'd let her guard down. "So what kind of fish do you have?"  
  
A stricken look crossed Willow's face -- not exactly the response Mulder had expected. "An-- an accident -- TERRIBLE accident -- happened. So I don't actually HAVE any fish anymore. Only the aquarium. But sometimes I like to just sit and watch the bubbles.....So what kind of fish do YOU have?"  
  
"Actually *I* don't have any fish anymore either. But mine was due to a non-feeding accident."  
  
"Wow!" Willow said excitedly. "Imagine the odds that we BOTH would have empty aquariums!"  
  
Mulder grinned at the girl's enthusiasm. "Yeah, maybe we should call Vegas."  
  
"Vegas who?" Cordelia walked up.  
  
"Cordelia," Willow said, clearly upset at being interrupted. A thought suddenly struck her and she grinned, saying, "Agent Mulder and I were just discussing my aquarium."  
  
Cordelia rolled her eyes. "Oh please, Willow. Only BORING people have aquariums."  
  
Mulder watched Willow as she grinned from ear-to-ear. "Agent Mulder has an aquarium too, Cordelia. An EMPTY aquarium. Just like mine."  
  
Cordelia opened her mouth, then shut it again. Willow grinned even wider.  
  
"Ah, if you'll excuse us, Cordelia, I'll be with you in just a few minutes," Mulder said. "I have a couple of things I still want to talk to Willow about.  
  
Cordelia glared daggers at Willow. "Fine. I'll be waiting in the student lounge," she said, and flounced off.  
  
Mulder turned back to Willow. "Score one for Willow!" he said, smiling.  
  
"Ha!" Willow said. "I don't usually get her like that!"  
  
"You two seem to have a rivalry going," Mulder said, wondering if he could get anything more out of Willow.  
  
"Oh, it all goes back to the whole thing with Xander," Willow said, looking less triumphant.  
  
Mulder raised an eyebrow.  
  
Willow looked at him uncomfortably. "See, Xander and Cordelia were together, but then Xander and I...well, we..."  
  
Mulder looked confused. "Cordelia and Xander?" he said.  
  
"I know," Willow said. "I didn't get it either. None of us did, even Xander and Cordelia."  
  
"So you and Xander are...close?"   
  
Willow nodded miserably. "We've been best friends since we were little. The whole thing with Cordelia never should have happened. It was like we were possessed or something!"  
  
Mulder raised an eyebrow again. Could it? Nah, he thought. "Hormones?" he said.  
  
"YES!" Willow said. "That's all it was! Hormones! And the whole danger situation thing!"  
  
"Danger situation?" he said.  
  
Willow's eyes went wide and she looked wildly around the room. "You know, the forbidden love idea!" she said. "You can't have it, but you can't live without it. The grass is greener, that sort of thing." She got an odd expression on her face. "And then there was the whole gang thing," she added.  
  
"The gang thing?"  
  
"Yeah, with those kids getting killed," she said. "Everybody's been really scared."  
  
"What do you know about the deaths?" Mulder asked, amazed that they were finally on the subject.  
  
Willow's eyebrows went up excitedly. "You mean about them being exsanguinated? That's so cool! I LOVE pathology! I even have the Coroner's Office bookmarked on my computer! I read all the autopsy reports!" She suddenly looked scared. "That's not illegal is it? I mean, I don't really do anything with them."  
  
Mulder shook his head. What was it with redheads and corpses? Willow and Scully definitely had a lot in common.  
  
"Will -- Coroner's Office?" Buffy approached, her voice sounding almost nervous. "Why are you discussing bodies with Agent Mulder?"  
  
Willow blushed. "Not BODIES, Buff. Just corpses."  
  
"Corpses?!" Xander asked, skipping up. "What corpses?! Who died?! Can I see?!"  
  
"Would you two PLEASE go away," Willow hissed. "Agent Mulder and I were talking." Mulder watched Willow give her friends a pointed look, and, having been on the receiving end of many such looks from Scully, thought to himself "DEFINITELY a lot in common".  
  
*****  
  
"Any luck?" Scully asked Mulder as they got into the car.  
  
"Well, let's see," Mulder said, pulling away from the school's parking lot. "Willow has an empty aquarium and likes corpses, Cordelia has a locker-full of make-up and likes older men. And Oz is....well....just Oz. Though he plays a mean electric guitar." At Scully's look, Mulder grinned. "As far as anything concrete goes, nothing. Except that I can't see any of these kids being involved in any cult-related murders."  
  
Scully raised an eyebrow.  
  
"I know, I know," Mulder said. "I should know better. Call it a gut instinct, but something tells me these kids just wouldn't go bad."  
  
"So you're willing to give up on the vampire theory?" Scully said.  
  
"Actually, Willow has an interesting theory," Mulder said, avoiding the question. "She thinks it's some sort of predatory organism no one has discovered yet."  
  
"So we go from blood-sucking vampires to blood-sucking urban Bigfoots?" Scully said. "Mulder, this investigation is going nowhere. We should just call (boss guy) now and tell him there's nothing here."  
  
"You have a point," he said. "But I don't think he'll go for it. We're going to have to come up with something, even if it's just a suggestion that they follow up the gang idea. What does Mr. Giles think?"  
  
"I'll let you know after dinner."  
  
Mulder raised an eyebrow. "Dinner?"  
  
"Yes. Rupert asked me out, and I thought maybe I could learn something if I got him off his guard...."  
  
"Maybe got a few drinks in him," Mulder finished for her. At her glare, he said, "No, I think it's a good idea. You two go out to dinner. Just don't get too wrapped up in his stuffy museum stories to forget to interrogate him."  
  
Scully decided not to reply to this and merely asked, "And what will YOU do?"  
  
Mulder grinned. "What I do best."  
  
"Ignore Skinner's orders? Or perhaps annoy me?"  
  
Mulder laughed. "Covert surveillance."  
  
Now it was Scully's turn to laugh. "Since when are you skilled in that?"  
  
*****  
  
"And he has an aquarium!" Willow said as she and Buffy entered the library. "And his fish are dead, too! Only I don't think his died as a result of homicide," she added sadly, then blinked. "It wouldn't be homicide with fishes, though, would it? It'd be ichthycide!"  
  
Buffy laughed. "It sounds like you two are soulmates, Will. Are you-omigosh, who died?" Buffy said, staring at Giles as he came out of his office.  
  
Giles blinked. "Died? Whatever do you mean?" he said.  
  
Willow gestured vaguely at him. "The...the...you're..."  
  
"Nobody dresses like that in Sunnydale unless they're going to a funeral," Buffy said glibly. "Or unless they're a stuffy British librarian going out for a night on the...oh, no." Buffy went white. "Tell me you're not-"  
  
"As a matter of fact, I am," Giles said defensively.  
  
"Willow," Buffy said, half-turning to her friend, "tell me I'm not alone in thinking this is a supremely bad idea."  
  
"Well," Willow said uncertainly, "actually, I think it's kinda cute."  
  
"Cute?" Giles said distastefully.  
  
"Willow!" Buffy said. "A little help here!"  
  
"But it isn't fair, Buffy!" Willow protested. "Everybody else around here has a social life-we're practically All My Children these days. Well, okay, so it's more like All My Children of the Night, but why can't Giles get in on the...well, I guess I wouldn't really call it fun. Well, not most of the time, anyway. But if he wants to, I mean, he's a grownup."  
  
Buffy gaped at Willow, then turned decisively to Giles. "Giles, I forbid it. You can not go out with that woman."  
  
Giles raised one eyebrow.  
  
"I mean it!" Buffy said. "It's too dangerous!"  
  
Giles sighed, and walked past Buffy toward the door.  
  
"Giles!" Buffy said, grabbing his arm. "How many times have you told me to put my slayer duties ahead of my social life, huh?"  
  
"So this is payback?" Giles said, looking pointedly at her hand on his arm.  
  
"No!" Buffy said earnestly, but letting go of his arm. "I just don't think you're thinking this through. What if you let something slip?"  
  
"Buffy, give me a little credit, will you?" Giles said. "I am more than capable of handling dinner with Agent Scully. And I might be able to discern their plans for the investigation. Think of it as a fact finding mission." He smiled reassuringly at her. "Really, Buffy, it will be fine," he said, and walked out the door.  
  
Buffy shook her head. "Am I the only one around here these days not completely blinded by hormones?" she said.  
  
"Buffy-" Willow started.  
  
"Now, don't get me wrong," Buffy said. "I know I've made more than my share of hormone-related mistakes lately. But for once I'm in control, and what happens? Everyone around me goes ga-ga over these Fibbies!"  
  
"Buffy-"  
  
"That does it. I'm going on patrol. Killing vamps is about the only thing in my life that makes sense right now," Buffy said, frowning, and started to walk out of the library. She stopped abruptly and looked back at Willow. "Did what I just say sound as seriously disturbed as I think it did?"  
  
Willow nodded mutely.  
  
Buffy nodded once. "I thought so," she said, and walked out.  
  
* * * * *  
  
"Oh, Agent Mulder," Joyce said as the FBI agent decended the front stairs. "Will you and Agent Scully be joining us for dinner again tonight?"  
  
"I'm afraid not, Ms. Summers," Mulder said politely. "I'm just on my way out, and Scully....has other plans."  
  
Joyce nodded as he started out the door. Mulder then turned and asked, "Could you tell me how to get to the dance club that Buffy and her friends frequent?"  
  
"The Bronze?" Joyce rolled her eyes. "I swear, sometimes I think Buffy spends more time there than here OR at school."  
  
After getting directions, Mulder headed out. Although it was still early, his plan was to find a darkened corner of the dance club and eavesdrop on conversations. He wasn't really sure what he was listening FOR, but he didn't have any better plan.  
  
As he approached The Bronze, he heard strange, muffled noises occurring in the alley behind. He cautiously walked along the side of the darkened building towards the back, pressing against the wall and listening carefully. The closer he got, the louder the sounds, and he realized it sounded like a struggle. He grabbed his gun and made the corner, yelling "FBI agent!"  
  
In the dim light of the alley Mulder saw Buffy, an arm raised with what looked like a wooden stake in it. And Mulder could swear he saw a shower of dust falling on her. At his voice, Buffy jumped and turned around.  
  
"Agent Mulder! What....what are you doing here?!"  
  
"Investigating," Mulder said mildly. "It's in my job description. What are you doing here?"  
  
"Me!?" Buffy said guiltily. "I...uh...well...I'm...cleaning!" she said.  
  
"Cleaning?" Mulder said, waiting for what he was certain would be an interesting explanation.  
  
"Yeah, well, see, you know how there are those kind of people who clean when they're upset? Well, I'm one of those. And this is about the dirtiest place in town. I mean, look at this!" she said, holding up the stake. "Somebody could get hurt!" She turned and threw the stake into the dumpster.  
  
"You're upset?" Mulder said. "About what?"  
  
"Oh, it's not a big deal," Buffy said. She bent down next to the dumpster, grabbed a paper sack and lifted it to throw it in the dumpster, but the bottom fell out, strewing moldy french fries and a rotten, half-eaten hamburger around her feet. "Eeeew!" she said, kicking fries off her feet, then her eyes widened as she looked at something behind Mulder.  
  
Hearing a feral growl behind him, he half-turned, raising his gun, but only caught a glimpse of a man. Suddenly he was flying across the alley and crashing into the wall of a building. Stunned, he lay still for a moment, trying to collect his senses. He slowly became aware of sounds of a scuffle nearby, but couldn't seem to focus his eyes. He felt vaguely around him, trying to find his gun.  
  
"Oh, c'mon, guys! I don't have time for this!" he dimly heard Buffy say, and he looked up to see her fighting with someone. She spun and kicked the one nearest Mulder, knocking him backwards onto Mulder, and everything went dark.  
  
* * * * *  
  
"I'm so terribly sorry," Giles said for the umpteenth time as the waiter took away the sopping wet napkins.  
  
"Don't worry about it," Scully said. "Really. It's only water -- it'll dry."  
  
"I'm....I'm sorry I'm so nervous. It's just that....I mean to say....you see, I haven't been on a date in some time."  
  
Scully smiled a radiant smile that lit up her entire face. "I haven't either. And most of my dates....well, let's just say they usually end in disaster."  
  
"Then I guess my water debacle is quite up to form," Giles commented. "So, besides dating extremely clumsy librarians, what is it exactly that you do?"  
  
"Well, Mulder and I are assigned to the X-Files."  
  
"You'll have to forgive my British ignorance, but what *are* the X-Files?"  
  
Scully looked almost embarrassed. "They're unexplained cases -- cases involving 'the paranormal'. UFO's, ghosts, you name it. In fact, my partner believes that your town's high death rate might be due to *vampires*."  
  
Giles was so surprised that he dropped his fork, which clattered loudly against the wooden floor. He and Scully both leaned over to pick it up, nearly colliding. As they both sat up straight again, Giles sputtered, "Uh, I take it you don't?"  
  
Scully looked thoroughly confused. "Don't what?"  
  
"Don't believe vampires are responsible?"  
  
Scully laughed. "Of course not. I'm a scientist, you see; my background is in medicine. Mulder--well, he's--I'm just not as willing to believe as he is--at least not without concrete scientific evidence." Scully suddenly got a stricken look on her face. "*You* don't believe in vampires, do you?"  
  
"Of course not!" Giles blurted out. And the radiant smile he got in return made him want to forget all about vampires and slayers and watchers and to believe in nothing but her. There was something about that smile that filled Giles with such warmth. Such joy. Such contentment. He hadn't felt like this since....  
  
Jenny.  
  
Her image suddenly appeared before him. Not the image as she'd been in life -- rebellious, carefree, beautiful.  
  
But as he'd found her -- laid out on his bed, surrounded by roses, eyes open in death.  
  
"Are you all right?"  
  
The hand touching his jolted Giles back to the present. "What?" he stammered.  
  
"You're white as a sheet," Scully said, obviously concerned. "Are you okay?"  
  
Giles blushed and looked down self-consciously at the table, where his hand was still linked in hers. This was turning out to be some date! "I'm....I'm fine," he stammered. "I was just....remembering."  
  
Scully nodded and tenderly squeezed his hand. "I understand."  
  
And something in her look convinced him that she probably did.  
  
*****  
  
"What is HE doing here?" Xander asked breathlessly as the last vampire vaporized.  
  
"More importantly, what should we DO with him?" Buffy asked, throwing her wooden stake back into the dumpster from where she'd retrieved it earlier.  
  
But Willow was already leaning over the tall, dazed man, gently patting his hand. "Agent Mulder! Are you okay?! You were so brave!"  
  
Buffy looked around wildly, then ran over near the wall and grabbed Mulder's gun. "Um, they're gone, sir," she said, holding the gun tentatively pointing in the air. "Would you please take your gun back now?"  
  
"What?" he said looking vaguely up at her. "Oh, my gun," he said and laughed. "Scully's gonna love this one. 'You lost it *again*?'" he said, mimicking Scully's tone.  
  
"You do this sort of thing often?" Willow said in awe.  
  
"Get tossed into walls by-who was that, anyway?" he asked.  
  
"Bikers!" Buffy said, just as Xander blurted, "Junkies!"  
  
"Junkie bikers," Willow said.  
  
Mulder looked skeptical.  
  
"One of them hit you with his bike," Buffy said. "So I grabbed your gun and they took off. And then Xander and Willow showed up."  
  
"Was that tae-kwan-do?" Mulder said.  
  
Buffy blinked.  
  
"When you were fighting them. It looked like some sort of martial arts, but I couldn't really tell."  
  
Buffy opened her mouth, then closed it, then finally said, "Kick boxing. Among other things. I have to live up to my name, you know."  
  
"Of course," Mulder said, slowly standing up with Willow's help. "How many of them were there?"  
  
"Three!" Buffy said, even as Xander blurted "Two!" and Willow "One!"  
  
"Lift-off!" Xander said.  
  
"Uh, well, I only saw one," Willow said. "He just zoomed right out of the alley on his...his...motor-thing. Zoom!" She gestured wildly toward the road.  
  
"The other *two* went through the Bronze," Buffy said, pointing toward the back door to the nightclub.  
  
"Could you describe them?" Mulder asked.  
  
Buffy frowned, thinking. "They were wearing black leather jackets, but that's about all I saw. It all happened so fast."  
  
"The guy on the bike had a scar on his face!" Willow offered.  
  
Buffy gave her a Look.  
  
Willow's face fell. "Well, I think he did. It might have been a shadow, or...or I thought I saw something but I didn't really see it. Like a hallucination. You know, from the stress."  
  
"Why don't we go inside and get Willow something to drink," Xander said. "Maybe those guys are still inside."  
  
"Oh, I doubt that," Buffy said as they walked towards the door to the Bronze. "They were pretty freaked out by the whole 'FBI!' thing."  
  
"Are you sure you're okay, Agent Mulder?" Willow said. "You might have a concussion. You shouldn't sleep tonight! We have to keep you awake!"  
  
*****  
  
"The Smithsonian is wonderful," Scully said excitedly. "I can't believe you haven't visited."  
  
Giles shrugged, looking sheepish. "I haven't really had time since coming to the States."  
  
"Well, you really should make the trip. The museums are incredible. Especially the Natural History museum. Do you like dinosaurs?"  
  
"My students often tell me I AM one."  
  
Scully laughed. "Being around teenagers all the time must keep you young."  
  
"Actually, I believe they're causing me to go prematurely gray," Giles teased. "But yes, they do keep me young at heart. Children do that. Do you have any children?"  
  
The look on Scully's face made him instantly regret asking the question.  
  
"I...I..." Scully stammered, staring at the table. "I can't have children."  
  
Giles reached out and tenderly took her hand. "I'm so sorry. I didn't--"  
  
"Giles!"  
  
Both of them jumped at the sound of the urgent voice. Angel, for his part, looked at Scully and realized that he'd interrupted. "I'm sorry for interrupting, Agent Scully is it, but...."  
  
Giles looked apologetically at Scully. "If you'll excuse me -- I'll just be a moment."  
  
Scully nodded as Giles stood and hurried off with Angel.  
  
"What is it now?" Giles asked impatiently. "More vague portents."  
  
"More like specific portents this time," Angel said. "Whatever is supposed to be arriving is due to arrive at the Bronze this evening. We've got to find Buffy and get over there immediately."  
  
"I think Buffy and the others were planning to go there anyway. Perhaps we should just head over there ourselves and check out the situation."  
  
"And what will you tell Agent Scully?"  
  
Giles shrugged. "I'll think of something."  
  
He left Angel and headed back to the table, where Scully was just putting away her cellphone.   
  
"I'm sorry to cut this short," Scully said, standing up from the table. "But that was Mulder -- he wants me to join him."  
  
"No problem," Giles said. "I actually need to be going myself. May I give you a ride?"  
  
"Sure. Do you know how to get to the Bronze?"  
  
"The...the Bronze?" Giles asked with a sinking feeling.  
  
Scully nodded. "Mulder's there. He got jumped in the alley by some bikers or something."  
  
"Ahh," Giles said. "Yes, bikers. Yes, we have had trouble with...bikers lately. Ahh, actually I'm headed that direction myself. Could I give you a ride?"  
  
She smiled distractedly at him. "Thank you, Rupert, that would be very helpful."  
  
"Is your partner all right?" he asked her, glancing around the table vaguely.  
  
"I think so. He sounded a little fuzzy, but that isn't unusual. I already got the check, Rupert," she said gently.  
  
"Oh!" he said, completely befuddled. "Oh, I see. Ah, I...I..."  
  
"Consider it a thank you," she said, smiling again, but this time he had her full attention.   
  
"Thank you?" he said, frowning.  
  
"This is the first dinner with a man I've had in...well, too long for me to remember," she said. Except for Mulder, she thought, and that doesn't...well, that's different. "That alone would make the dinner worth it. The fact that I also enjoyed it, well, I consider that a bonus."  
  
Giles stared blankly at her for a moment, then an almost giddy smile broke across his face. Oh, my, Scully thought. Bonus number two.  
  
*****  
  
"Did it just get cold in here?" Xander said, looking vaguely around the Bronze.  
  
"Are you sure you're okay?" Willow said, staring intently at Mulder. "Maybe you should see a doctor."  
  
"I'm going to see a doctor," Mulder said. "Well, she's coming to see me."  
  
"Hello?" Xander said. "Cold? Anybody?"  
  
"Here's some ice," Buffy said, coming up to their table with a plastic baggie full of ice. "Ice is cold."  
  
"There's a doctor coming to see you?" Willow said.  
  
"Agent Scully," Mulder said, holding the ice to the side of his head. "She's a medical doctor."  
  
The lights in the Bronze dimmed momentarily, then came back even brighter.   
  
Buffy crinkled. "That's weird," she said, looking up at the lights.  
  
POP! One of the light bulbs over the bar shattered, showering the bartender with tiny shards of broken glass. The lights dimmed again, came back again, and this time one of the lights over the pool tables exploded. Several people screamed in surprise.  
  
"What's going on?" Willow said, perplexed.  
  
"Well, it could be-" Mulder started, then stopped, looking at a glass of water on the table and frowning.   
  
Buffy turned to look at him, and suddenly realized that the ground was vibrating slightly. The vibration became more and more noticeable, and several people in the bar started moving towards the exits. "Welcome to California," Buffy said as the lights dimmed a third time. There was a moment of darkness, and when they came back, all the bulbs blew out at once.  
  
As screams of panic started to erupt in the darkness, Mulder called out in his best authoritative voice: "Nobody panic! Everything's going to be fine! I'm a special agent with the FBI!"  
  
Much to his surprise, his announcement actually inspired MORE hysteria.  
  
"Gee, that had just the calming effect I always imagined it would," Buffy said sarcastically.  
  
"I've got a bad feeling about this," Xander said, "and I'm not just quoting Star Wars here."  
  
Willow suddenly turned her flashlight on, which she'd dug out of her bookbag. "Ta da!"  
  
"Good thinking, Will," Xander enthused.  
  
"You carry a flashlight?" Mulder asked, impressed again by her similarities to his partner.  
  
"Of course," Willow said, pleased with Mulder's response. "'Be prepared' is the Slayerettes' motto."  
  
"The Slayerettes?" Mulder asked.  
  
"It's a gang!" "It's a band!" "It's a barbershop quartet!"  
  
Everyone stared in the dark at Willow, who was glad that they couldn't see her blush. "I'm...I'm the tenor," she said meekly.  
  
Before they could comment, several cries erupted from the area near the far door. "Vampires!"  
  
"Of course!" Buffy said, disappearing into the panicking crowd.  
  
"It's....uh....it's members of the...."  
  
"Vampire gang!" Xander jumped in to finish Willow's sentence. "It's...it's a gang. And they must be taking advantage of the lights being off to....to...."  
  
"To loot!" Willow said, continuing the game of tagteam sentences.  
  
"To lute?! I didn't think they played any musical instruments?" Xander said, thoroughly confused.  
  
"Not lute. Loot. Looting. Plundering. Robbing. You know."  
  
"Then I better put a stop to that," Mulder said, starting to charge across the room. But before he took two steps, a giant hole suddenly emerged in the middle of the dance floor, and a giant wind began to emanate from it, roaring loudly.  
  
"One thing you gotta say about the Hellmouth," Xander noted. "It has incredible timing."  
  
"Stopitstopitstopit!" a voice shrieked over the wind, and Willow's flashlight panned up from the big hole to shine on Cordelia, struggling with someone on the far side.  
  
"You heard the lady," Buffy said, staking the vamp from behind. The dust whirled around them before it blew up toward the ceiling.  
  
Mulder turned back toward Willow, one eyebrow raised, his face lit with a reddish glow, and Willow realized that the walls around them were starting to pulsate with a red light.  
  
"A gang that explodes into dust when you stab them in the heart with a wooden stake? I think you've been holding out on me, Willow," he said.  
  
Willow looked wildly over at Xander, who was staring in shock at the hole in the ground.   
  
Which wasn't a hole anymore.  
  
"Uh, Agent Mulder? You might want to move away from the edge there, sir,"   
  
Willow said, gesturing vaguely behind him.  
  
"Or what? I might get eaten by the monster from the pit?"  
  
"Well, if the shoe fits," Xander said, and there was another series of shrieks from the far side of the pit.  
  
"Oh, come on everybody, relax," Buffy was saying, her back to the pit, facing off with another vampire. "There's only one left!"  
  
There was a soggy roar from the pit, and Buffy turned, her eyes widening. The pit had filled with a mouth, full of teeth and green slime and weird looking plant-like tentacles.   
  
"Oh, boy," Buffy said, stepping back uncertainly.  
  
Suddenly the tentacles lashed out, grabbing Buffy and the vampire.   
  
"Whoa!" Buffy yelped, struggling with the tentacle wrapped around her waist. The vampire snarled, then got a terrified look on his face as the tentacle pulled him towards the mouth.  
  
"Everybody get back!" Xander yelled.  
  
"What the-?" Mulder said, stepping closer to the pit to get a good look at the monster. He looked on in fascination as the vampire, now screaming, disappeared into the gaping maw.  
  
Another tentacle lashed out, and Mulder grabbed desperately at a table as the tentacle around his neck started to drag him toward the mouth of the monster.  
  
"Add one more to the list of reasons why I'll never make it as an L.A. County Lifeguard," Xander said to Willow. "Nobody listens to me when I say, 'Everybody get back!'"  
  
"That makes eighty-four reasons," Willow said. "What do we do? We have to do something!"  
  
"Absolutely!" Buffy yelled, hanging onto a pool table. "By all means! Do something!"  
  
Xander turned and grabbed a nearby chair and flung it into the mouth as it pulled Buffy towards it.  
  
"Did it just make a yummy noise?" Xander asked Willow.  
  
She looked blankly at him for a moment, then grabbed another chair and threw it in.  
  
The tentacles slowed down as the monster seemed to savor the chair. "Yep. Definitely another yummy noise," Xander said. "Add that to the list of good ideas I've had!" He flung another chair at the monster.  
  
"That makes three good ideas. Unless you count me, in which case it's four," Willow said, dragging a big ottoman towards the abyss. "But I think it's still three, 'cause I don't think I was a good idea."  
  
"No! Wait!" Xander yelled.  
  
She tipped the ottoman in. "What?" she said, turning to Xander.  
  
"I really liked that one," Xander said. "It made my feet all comfy."  
  
"MORE CHAIRS!" Buffy yelled, losing her grip on the pool table as the tentacles started pulling again.  
  
"Urk--!" Mulder choked, beating ineffectually at the tentacle holding him by the neck.  
  
And what do you mean you don't think you were a good idea?" Xander said, grabbing a barstool and tossing it in. "I happen to think you were a great idea. A superb idea."  
  
"Help me with this!" Willow said, dragging a barcalounger over. Xander got behind it and gave it a shove into the hole.  
  
There was a strange gargling noise from the monster, and then the tentacles began waving wildly, flinging Mulder and Buffy around with them.  
  
"Whoaaa!!!!" Buffy yelled. "Noooo....moooreee....chaiiirrs!!!"  
  
"Okay, I'm thinking naugahyde is out," Xander said.  
  
There was a loud banging against the main door. "FBI!" Willow heard faintly through the door. "Open the door, now!" Willow ran over to the door and tried to turn the handle. It gave slightly, but not enough to unlatch the door.  
  
"Xander!" she yelled.  
  
Xander started to run towards her, but suddenly tripped. Willow gasped as she saw the tentacle around his leg. The banging on the door started again, and Willow felt the handle move under her hand. She pulled hard on the handle, and suddenly the door flew open.  
  
*****  
  
"That doesn't look good," Angel said from the backseat as Giles turned the corner. Although the lights on the rest of the street were on, The Bronze was completely dark except for part of the neon sign that now only read "h onz".  
  
Scully instinctively reached down and put her hand on the grip of her gun. She was worried about her partner. If he had a concussion and then ran into trouble....Scully shuddered at the thought.  
  
As Giles screeched to a stop in front of The Bronze, Scully leapt out and hurried to the door of the nightclub. She could hear strange sounds emanating from inside. She tried the doorknob, but the door wouldn't budge. Just as Giles joined her at the door, Scully started pounding on it, yelling,   
"FBI! Open the door, now!"  
  
She saw the doorknob move, and she and Giles both pushed on the door but it still wouldn't move.  
  
Angel suddenly reappeared, which surprised Scully since she hadn't even seen him leave. "There's no other way in!" he said anxiously.  
  
Giles pounded on the door, hollering "Buffy!"   
  
The doorknob turned again, and this time all three of them threw their weight against it. After a brief moment, the door gave, spilling all of them inside.  
  
Scully was on her feet in an instant, her weapon raised, frantically trying to take stock of the situation and find her partner. But the scene that greeted her was hard to interpret. The lights all over the bar appeared to have blown out, which was the cause of the eerie darkness. Everything was upturned, as if a giant riot had taken place. And there was Mulder, face down on the floor.  
  
"Mulder!" Scully rushed to his side. "Are you okay?! What happened?"  
  
Mulder groggily sat up, his eyes opened wide with a combination of terror and relief. "Did you get it? Did you kill it?"  
  
"Get what, Mulder?" Scully asked, thoroughly confused.  
  
"The pit monster. It had me, Scully, it had me by one of its tentacles and was pulling me toward its mouth." Mulder pointed to the middle of the dance floor, where people were already starting to sweep up the shattered glass and broken furniture.  
  
"Agent Mulder, are you okay?" Willow asked, appearing suddenly and shining her flashlight directly in his eyes.  
  
"Willow, what happened?" Scully asked, hoping the girl could make some sense out of Mulder's hysterical ramblings.  
  
"Uh....power surge," Willow blurted out.  
  
"It caused the lights to blow," Xander jumped in with the explanation.   
"Everyone freaked."  
  
"Mass panic," Willow concurred.  
  
"And minor rioting," Xander said, picking up a broken chair leg.  
  
"But what about the pit monster?" Mulder asked, gesturing again to the dance floor.  
  
Willow and Xander shared a look.  
  
"You concussion, Agent Mulder," Willow said, tenderly touching his head. "You must've hallucinated."  
  
"No pit monster," Xander whispered to Scully. "You should probably take him home."  
  
"But there WAS a pit monster," Mulder insisted. "He wrapped a tentacle around me and...." Mulder trailed off as he tried to recall what had happened. "And there were vampires, too -- Buffy staked one and it--"  
  
"Okay, that's enough, Mulder," Scully said, obviously worried. "We've got to get you home. You're delusional." Scully helped her partner stand then led him to the door.  
  
"But I would've sworn there was a pit monster," Mulder mumbled. "And a barbershop quartet...."  
  
* * * *  
  
"Well, that was fun!" Xander said after the agents had left.   
  
"What exactly did happen?" Giles asked, squinting against the glare from Willow's flashlight.  
  
"We were helping Agent Mulder," Willow said, "when the floor opened up and this giant pit monster thing came up and grabbed Agent Mulder and we fed it chairs, except it didn't like naugahyde, so it started waving Buffy-OMIGOSH! Buffy! Where's Buffy?"  
  
Xander looked wildly around.  
  
"Where was she when the door opened?" Giles said.  
  
Willow considered for a moment. "The pit monster was waving Agent Mulder around up there, and then he fell, and Xander was on the floor..." She looked at Giles, a horrified look on her face. "I think maybe she was inside it! She was really close to its mouth, or its hole or whatever it was!"  
  
There was a muffled thump somewhere below them.  
  
Giles looked at Xander. "Does the Bronze have a basement?"  
  
"Do you think it's down there with Buffy?" Xander asked, leading the way to the back of the Bronze.  
  
"I think Buffy's down there," Giles said. "But if it's what I think it is, I doubt if it is. You said you fed it chairs?"  
  
"Yep," Xander said. "Is there a chair-eating pit monster in your books somewhere?"  
  
Giles smiled thinly. "Something like that," he said as they came up to a door. "Is this the way to the basement?" he asked, and suddenly the door flew open, whacking him in the nose.  
  
"Is everyone all right?! What happened?! Did...Giles, your nose is bleeding."  
  
"Yes, thank you for noticing," Giles said, pulling a handkerchief out of his suit and holding it against his nose.  
  
"Buffy, what happened to YOU?" Willow asked, thoroughly confused.  
  
"I have no idea. The pit monster thing was dragging me towards its mouth...thing when suddenly I was in the basement by myself. What stopped it, Giles?"  
  
"I'll have to check my books..." Giles began.  
  
"Now THERE'S a new one," Cordelia said, joining them, her hair actually dishevelled for once.  
  
Giles glared at her before continuing, "...but I believe Agent Scully was responsible."  
  
"Agent Scully?!" Everyone asked in unison.  
  
*****  
  
"So you're saying that this pit monster was like Tinkerbell?" Buffy asked as they all sat around the library the next morning.  
  
"I don't get it," Xander said. "The pit monster wasn't even GREEN."  
  
Giles set down his book on the table. "Faeries like Tinkerbell cease to exist when there is a non-believer present. Remember, Peter Pan asked the children to clap their hands if they believed, and that's how Tinkerbell got better."  
  
"Tinkerbell was REAL?"Cordelia asked.  
  
"I never clapped," Willow said passionately. "I thought Tinkerbell was cruel to Wendy, having the boys shoot her and all -- I wanted her to die."  
  
"Willow!" Xander said.  
  
"It's okay, Will," Buffy said. "Tink was just jealous."  
  
"It seems to me she had nothing to be jealous about," Cordelia said. "I mean, Wendy was just this boring girl, but Tink could fly and everything."  
  
"Wendy sewed on Peter's shadow," Willow said defensively. "And she told the boys stories and..."  
  
Giles sighed loudly. "Can we please get back to reality?"  
  
"By all means, Giles. Explain more about the evil Tinkerbell pit monster."  
  
Giles paused before continuing. "Evil, like goodness, exists only as long as people believe in it. The Hellmouth DEPENDS on the vampires being here as much as they depend on it."  
  
"So if we all thought happy thoughts, the Hellmouth would disappear?" Xander asked excitedly. "I know what I'LL be thinking of!"  
  
"It's not quite that simple. But many of the so-called 'demons' that we fight really do come from within ourselves, some more than others."  
  
"So you're saying that this pit monster thing needed people to believe in it in order for it to exist?" Cordelia asked.  
  
Giles nodded.  
  
"So how is Agent Scully responsible for it?" Willow asked.   
  
"Not 'for it'. For getting rid of it."  
  
"Read me 'confused'," Buffy said.  
  
"Ms. Scully is a scientist -- a dedicated non-believer, as it were -- and her presence alone was enough to vanquish the...pit monster thing."  
  
"But what about Angel?" Xander asked. "Evil portents and all?"  
  
"I believe that what his...source...was sensing was NOT the monster but instead Agent Scully. Someone with her powers is likely to cause a stir wherever she goes, especially in a place like Sunnydale."  
  
"Are you sure you're not just hot for her?" Cordelia asked. "'Cuz that's what it's sounding like to me."  
  
"I gotta go with Cordy on this one," Xander said. "I mean, Agent Scully being some mystical destroyer? I ain't buying it."  
  
"And why didn't *I* sense anything?" Willow asked. "I mean, I *should* have, right? And what about Angel? He still existed around Agent Scully and he's not normal -- no offense, Buffy, but you know what I mean."  
  
Before Giles could answer, Agent Scully tentatively walked into the room.   
  
"Am I interrupting anything?"  
  
"Oh...uh...no...uh...not at all...uh...we were...just..."  
  
"Studying," Buffy finished for her watcher. "As students are wont to do in the library."  
  
"Well, Rupert -- Mr. Giles -- I just wanted to stop by to say goodbye."  
  
"You're leaving?!" Willow and Cordelia asked in unison.  
  
Scully smiled at the girls. "I'm afraid Mulder has a bad concussion, and he needs to get home and rest."  
  
"But what about your investigation?" Xander asked. "I mean, don't you want to interrogate us any--OW!" Xander grabbed his leg in pain and glared at Buffy.  
  
"Sorry, Xander," Scully said, with a faint smile, "but we've pretty much finished up our investigation. I've found nothing here to indicate that this is anything more than a slightly unusual gang issue. I've recommended in my report that the FBI Gang-Violence Task Force take a look at the situation."  
  
"Does Agent Mulder concur?" Giles asked warily.  
  
Scully looked at him, wondering how to phrase her answer so he didn't think Mulder was a complete crackpot. "Agent Mulder has agreed with me that a lot of what he thought he saw could have been related to the concussion, but he's still interested in the case. We'll keep tabs on the situation with the Task Force." She stopped for a moment, thinking, and then decided to plunge ahead. "Here's my card," she said, pulling it out of her wallet. "If you happen across any information you think I ought to know about, feel free to call or e-mail me."  
  
Giles looked at her as he took the card, wondering if there was more to the gesture than professional courtesy, and then dismissed the thought. "Thank you, Agent Scully. I'll do that." He shook her hand, and then blushed as he caught Willow giving him a thumbs-up behind the agent.  
  
Scully turned to Buffy and the others. "I also wanted to thank all of you for helping Mulder. He has a knack for getting into trouble, and I'm glad you were there to get him out of it."  
  
"Oh," Willow said, flustered, "we, well, we-"  
  
"You're welcome," Buffy said, smiling. "And tell him we're sorry his trip to Sunnydale was so not-Sunny."  
  
Scully laughed. "Our trips rarely are. Though this one did have its moments," she said, glancing at Giles discretely and giving him one of her smiles.  
  
Giles blushed and stammered, "Uh, yes, well...."  
  
"He enjoyed it, too," Buffy translated. "So what time's your flight?"  
  
Scully glanced at the clock on the wall. "Oh, yes, I best be going. It was nice meeting you...all."  
  
As soon as she was gone, Willow sighed. "I can't believe Agent Mulder's leaving."  
  
"Yeah, but look at it this way, Will," Buffy said. "If we ever run into the Tinkerbell pit monster again, we know who to call."  
  
"Ghostbusters?" Xander asked, thoroughly confused.  
  
"But didn't you hear what she said?" Cordelia asked. "They're sending a Task Force here. That means more G-men. *Buff* G-men."  
  
"Ooh," Buffy said excitedly, suddenly having a thought. "Maybe they can teach me some new hand-to-hand techniques!"  
  
"And I bet they have a *killer* arsenal," Xander said excitedly.  
  
Giles sighed as everyone continued to talk enthusiastically about the new G-men. Kids were so fickle, always moving from one infatuation to the next.   
  
Giles glanced down at the card that Agent Scully had given him and smiled.   
Of course, a little infatuation never killed anyone.  
  
THE END  



End file.
